Saturday, February 28, 2009

The Ready Point

I came out to a friend this week. She has known for a very long time I wasn’t happy in my marriage and I knew recently she was confused by my trips to Reno and trips I would take without my kids. The Lorrie she knew would not willingly and continually take vacations without her kids. And no, ten years ago when my kids were little I wouldn’t have. That brings me to the thought that maybe that is the reason that 10 years ago I would not have let my thoughts continually travel to my attraction to women. Yes, those thoughts would creep up from time to time; but I would think about them for a few minutes and then shove them back down deep because they didn’t fit into my life. I had little kids to raise, a job to excel at, a house to take care of and a husband…. Well the husband was too busy working and self absorbed into his hobbies and interests to worry too much about what was going on with me and the kids…so I have to say his presence alone would not have stopped me from exploring my attraction to women much earlier.
I guess that brings me to one of the reasons for this blog. Before you can admit and come to terms with your attraction to women or I guess any major awakening in your life, you have to be at a point in your life where you are ready for it! Three years ago, I was there. My kids were not babies anymore, they were 12 and 7…they still needed me but were capable of doing many things on their own allowing me more free time ….time to think…time to allow those thoughts to creep up more often..and I no longer wanted to push them back down. I wanted to explore them! Also, both of my parents had passed away within the previous 4 years leading me to not only examine their lives and happiness in their lives but also to examine my happiness in my life. I came to realize that life is too short to not explore all of your feelings, especially the ones that are going to give you great happiness. Stop suppressing feelings. Start exploring them. Start living your life the way you want.
Now, back to coming out to my friend. She took it well when I told her about my love for Rebecca. She took it well when I told her about the state of my marriage. My H and I are staying together for now, for the kids; we are roommates and co parents. But other than that, I am with Rebecca and he is pursuing other relationships. She was OK with that because the kids have a great life and are happy.
The only statement she seemed to have an issue with is: “I am gay.” Her immediate response was “You are not gay, you are bi.” I am sure this is her way of dealing with it. We have been friends for over 20 years and were even roommates at one point. I decided if thinking I was bi made her feel more comfortable, then that was OK. Maybe friends (family, coworkers) also have to be at the point in there life where they are ready to accept your gayness. We have dealt with our gayness for many years; even when we were suppressing it we were still dealing with it in some ways. We can’t expect those that we come out to, to be totally accepting immediately. They need to get to the ready point just like we did.
Sphere: Related Content

Trevor Project

Digg Us