More Than 2000 Phone Calls.........

UPDATE: I want to apologize to our readers, I posted this without an explanation for our newer followers, I am very sorry, here is the story so far: Lorrie and I met and have maintained a long distance relationship for nearly three years now, this is our story. You may catch up with 3000 emails - 2000 phone calls by clicking on Part I, Part II and Part III

OK, Rebecca has "ordered" me to add to this blog, lol...I love it when she orders me around!!! (LOL like I could ever make you do anything...)

Believe it or not, I did go to my training class on Tuesday with very little sleep. Luck was it that we all had our own computers hooked up to the internet, so every chance I got I logged on to see if Rebecca had sent me any emails. And she had! I called her as soon as I got back to my room at the hotel and we made plans to get together Tuesday night too. It was another wonderful night in many many ways. Wow..this woman...I couldn't get enough of her..I couldn't wait to see her again!

On the morning of the third day, Lorrie mentioned that her co-worker might want to go to Tahoe that evening, and would I like to come along? Yes, I would, I said, Tahoe is beautiful and it might be fun. When Lorrie called me after her training, she let me know to come over to the hotel and we would take the rental car to Tahoe. When I got there, it seems that the gambling bug had really hit that guy, so we would be all alone again that evening. Oh Damn, LOL!

So, in my best trying not to seem like some sex crazed fiend by blurting out "Yipeee!" I asked her if she still wanted to go to Tahoe? Lorrie said, I don't know, do you? I said, well, everyone should see Tahoe and she was so close........so we started to drive up there, no hurry because Tahoe is only 45 minutes away......

We held hands all the way up there and chatted, talking to Lorrie is so easy and we could even then talk about anything. Eventually we made it to South Shore where all the shops and Casinos are. We parked the car near the shops first, because Lorrie wanted to get her kids some souvenirs.

We looked around, found a shop that looked interesting, lots of local art and stuff, went in and were out in about 10 minutes. Lorrie looked at me and said what do you want to do now? I said I don't know, what do you want to do? Do you want to find a restaurant?........Lorrie said, I want to go back to Reno, is that OK? I was hoping she would say that!

We got in the car and down the mountain we went. That was the longest ride ever! LMAO. I couldn't believe how long it was taking us to get back and Lorrie was speeding the whole way!I was sure grinning from ear to ear. And every time I looke at Lorrie, she was too!

I actually do remember seeing Lake Tahoe that night...briefly while driving by at 70 mph!! I remember asking Rebecca on the way back, "Your place or mine?", LOL. She said "Whichever is closer." I replied.."Baby, you are the one that lives here, you're gonna have to tell me!" About 5 minutes later we were in my hotel room!!!

I was scheduled for the class from Monday to Thursday, to fly out Friday morning. We got together every day after class and were with each other till the wee hours of the morning...except for the one night we both thought for some reason I should get a good nights sleep for my class...that night Rebecca left around midnight...(well, I knew she was going on only about two hours of sleep a night) we have regretted that many times..but now we can just laugh about it!

Then it was the wee hours of the morning on Friday morning...we were at Rebecca's place and I knew it was time for me to head back to the hotel to get ready for my flight. I did not want to go. I knew I had to go. I knew I had to see this woman again. But how? I am married. I have a life in Pa. I need to be with this woman. OMG, I don't want to go. I have to go.

Friday morning I didn't know what to say or do, I didn't want Lorrie to go, I couldn't let her go, I knew I was in love with her, I didn't think she was with me. I couldn't ask her to stay, she had her kids, her husband, her job and all her friends, but I wanted her to stay or I wanted to come back to Pennsylvania.

I drove her back to her room so she could pack, I was telling how much I liked her and what a wonderful time I had and Lorrie was saying the same things back to me, after pulling over for one last kiss, I pulled up to the casino entrance and she got out of the car, she leaned back in for a quick kiss, turned around and walked in. I watched her until I couldn't see her any more and slowly drove away. My heart felt like it was breaking, tears were flowing down my face and I was kicking myself for having been such a fool. How could I let myself fall for someone who lived so far away, was married and who said it was to be a one time thing?

Rainy Daydreams

It's raining today in Reno, on days like this I can't help wishing that Lorrie was here and we could have the whole day to ourselves. In my daydream, we are all snuggled up under the covers, skin to skin.

When I close my eyes, I can really feel her next to me, I imagine we haven't gotten out of bed yet and it is 10:30 already. I can feel her warmth next to mine, her breath on my neck and her fingers lightly running through my hair... I love the way her breasts rise and fall against my cheek and I can feel her heartbeat, my own fingers gliding along her back.

When we are like this, all intertwined , happy and content, I don't know, nor do I care, where I end and she starts, we are one, completed and whole.
My heart bursts with love for her and tears form in my eyes. I have to look up at her just to make sure it isn't all a dream. She smiles at me, maybe thinking the same things I am.

When I look into her eyes and see her love there, I thank God for giving me such a wonderous gift. I really don't deserve her and am awed that she is in my life.

That Sappiness Factor........

My mind has been kind of one track lately, although I try to hide it. I guess maybe not hide it, but try to get distracted by things like school and work from it. That one track is Lorrie, all things Lorrie!!! Like I wish my day at work was over as soon as it starts because then we can talk on the phone. I can't wait to hear her voice everyday. Even if we have just a few minutes, my day is just not the same without that call. Or while I am studying, checking my email every 5 minutes to see if she has written anything, or writing an email every 10 minutes until I realize I am on the verge of being (or appearing to be) a stalker or something...........

I used to worry I was obsessed with her, and then when I realized I was, I learned to embrace the obsession and enjoy it instead of worrying about it. LOL. Since embracing it, I have learned to multi-task very well. I can take care of my teenage son, keep the apartment fairly clean, work, go to school, even get a small promotion and be an honor student, all while I am really only thinking about Lorrie. I wouldn't call it obsession anymore, I have learned this is part of what love is.

Lorrie is after all my first, last and only love. At 48, I feel like a teenager most of the time since falling in love with her. Even when we are apart. I get giggly and smiley at the merest thought of her no matter where I am. I want only the best for her, I only want her to be happy, I ache for her constantly, my body and my heart aches for her. Especially my heart. And I have become sappy about her and about life in general. I am really sappy when we are together.

I identify with characters in love stories and movies now. I cry at heartbreak and cheer when they get back together. I listen to music now. Lots of music. Mostly love songs. Not sad love songs, but romantic, sappy, mushy love songs. I have about 4000 love songs now. That is a lot of sappiness!!! I sing along with them because I am singing them to Lorrie. She may not hear me, but I am. It is probably best that she not hear me, but I sing them anyway. Niagara, by Sara Evans is my favorite. Lorrie emailed it to me after we had been together for about 3 months.

My favorite sappy things to think about are the little things that I envision us doing together when we finally are living together. Waking up with her every morning. Cooking her breakfast, fixing her tea and my coffee. Fixing dinner for us at night, or going out to eat because we are both tired from a long day at work. Kissing her before we go to work, kissing her when we get home. Being able to reach out and touch her hair when we are watching TV together. Going to catch a movie or a show some evening on the spur of the moment. Working out together. And going to bed with her every night. I get really sappy-weepy thinking about these things.

I want to thank Lorrie for telling me she loves me, sending me Niagara, and letting me love her and be sappy with her. I like being sappy now. I feel alive in it. I have learned that as a tree is dead without sap, so are humans.