More Than 2000 Phone Calls.........

UPDATE: I want to apologize to our readers, I posted this without an explanation for our newer followers, I am very sorry, here is the story so far: Lorrie and I met and have maintained a long distance relationship for nearly three years now, this is our story. You may catch up with 3000 emails - 2000 phone calls by clicking on Part I, Part II and Part III

OK, Rebecca has "ordered" me to add to this blog, lol...I love it when she orders me around!!! (LOL like I could ever make you do anything...)

Believe it or not, I did go to my training class on Tuesday with very little sleep. Luck was it that we all had our own computers hooked up to the internet, so every chance I got I logged on to see if Rebecca had sent me any emails. And she had! I called her as soon as I got back to my room at the hotel and we made plans to get together Tuesday night too. It was another wonderful night in many many ways. Wow..this woman...I couldn't get enough of her..I couldn't wait to see her again!

On the morning of the third day, Lorrie mentioned that her co-worker might want to go to Tahoe that evening, and would I like to come along? Yes, I would, I said, Tahoe is beautiful and it might be fun. When Lorrie called me after her training, she let me know to come over to the hotel and we would take the rental car to Tahoe. When I got there, it seems that the gambling bug had really hit that guy, so we would be all alone again that evening. Oh Damn, LOL!

So, in my best trying not to seem like some sex crazed fiend by blurting out "Yipeee!" I asked her if she still wanted to go to Tahoe? Lorrie said, I don't know, do you? I said, well, everyone should see Tahoe and she was so close........so we started to drive up there, no hurry because Tahoe is only 45 minutes away......

We held hands all the way up there and chatted, talking to Lorrie is so easy and we could even then talk about anything. Eventually we made it to South Shore where all the shops and Casinos are. We parked the car near the shops first, because Lorrie wanted to get her kids some souvenirs.

We looked around, found a shop that looked interesting, lots of local art and stuff, went in and were out in about 10 minutes. Lorrie looked at me and said what do you want to do now? I said I don't know, what do you want to do? Do you want to find a restaurant?........Lorrie said, I want to go back to Reno, is that OK? I was hoping she would say that!

We got in the car and down the mountain we went. That was the longest ride ever! LMAO. I couldn't believe how long it was taking us to get back and Lorrie was speeding the whole way!I was sure grinning from ear to ear. And every time I looke at Lorrie, she was too!

I actually do remember seeing Lake Tahoe that night...briefly while driving by at 70 mph!! I remember asking Rebecca on the way back, "Your place or mine?", LOL. She said "Whichever is closer." I replied.."Baby, you are the one that lives here, you're gonna have to tell me!" About 5 minutes later we were in my hotel room!!!

I was scheduled for the class from Monday to Thursday, to fly out Friday morning. We got together every day after class and were with each other till the wee hours of the morning...except for the one night we both thought for some reason I should get a good nights sleep for my class...that night Rebecca left around midnight...(well, I knew she was going on only about two hours of sleep a night) we have regretted that many times..but now we can just laugh about it!

Then it was the wee hours of the morning on Friday morning...we were at Rebecca's place and I knew it was time for me to head back to the hotel to get ready for my flight. I did not want to go. I knew I had to go. I knew I had to see this woman again. But how? I am married. I have a life in Pa. I need to be with this woman. OMG, I don't want to go. I have to go.

Friday morning I didn't know what to say or do, I didn't want Lorrie to go, I couldn't let her go, I knew I was in love with her, I didn't think she was with me. I couldn't ask her to stay, she had her kids, her husband, her job and all her friends, but I wanted her to stay or I wanted to come back to Pennsylvania.

I drove her back to her room so she could pack, I was telling how much I liked her and what a wonderful time I had and Lorrie was saying the same things back to me, after pulling over for one last kiss, I pulled up to the casino entrance and she got out of the car, she leaned back in for a quick kiss, turned around and walked in. I watched her until I couldn't see her any more and slowly drove away. My heart felt like it was breaking, tears were flowing down my face and I was kicking myself for having been such a fool. How could I let myself fall for someone who lived so far away, was married and who said it was to be a one time thing?

It Takes More Than 3000 emails............(continued again)

This post has taken a different tack from what we originally imagined, LOL. About what it has taken to maintain a relationship for nearly 3 years while living 2,653 miles apart.
So this is really part three of the beginning of it all. This is the post you are all panting for we know........We are enjoying reliving it as much as you are all reading it. (LOL, we thought (briefly) about putting lots of details but then decided we didn't want our blog to come up on the porno search engines, lol.)

That first kiss. I know it still comes to my mind often. It was every movie kiss I ever saw and it felt exactly how I imagined a first kiss would be and should be. We just stood there kissing, holding on to each other until the world stopped spinning.

I never knew a kiss could be so powerful. It is so true, the rest of the world disappeared and it was just Rebecca and I, together at last!

I remember undressing her slowly, admiring her naked form, leading her to the bed, laying next to her, letting my eyes linger over every inch of her, just soaking in her beauty. I never wanted anyone as much as I wanted Lorrie in those first few moments, and that is oh so much more true even today.

It was all so easy, so natural, so the way making love was meant to be. There was no awkardness, no clumsiness, no "this is kind of gross" feelings...LOL. OMG, making love with this woman was and is the most natural and amazing thing in the world!

The want, the desire, the passion that had all built up over the past weeks of emails and phone calls and day dreams was allowed to FINALLY flow freely from both of us!!! It was and still is absolutely amazing the way Rebecca can make me feel from the tips of my toes to the inside of my soul!!

Nothing ever felt so right to me as being there with her, making love to her, and it was really love by then, so much, much more than just sex. I was one with her, I knew every movement and every reaction before she even had it. I felt as if I had touched her soul and I knew she had touched mine. I could not get enough of her. I still can't.

It was so much more than sex! Just sex wouldn't have left me laying next to her wondering where she had been my whole life. There was and still is such a connection that is difficult to put words to, it is amazing! I had never felt anything like that and I couldn't wait to make her feel that way again and again and again and again...oh, you get the idea!!

My whole world was wrapped up in her until finally, she had to go back to her hotel to get ready for her training. It was nearly 5:30 am and it seemed like only minutes had passed.

It really did feel like a matter of minutes, but it was about 9 hours!!! ...and yes, damn...I had to go to a training class in the morning (or in a couple of hours, lol). How was I going to do that when all I wanted to do was stay there with Rebecca and learn more about this wonderful and amazing woman that made me feel things physically and emotionally that I had never felt before!!

I drove her to her hotel in nearly total silence. I suspected she wanted to see me again, (duh) and I sure knew I wanted to see more of her. Lorrie told me what time the training was finished, and I asked her if she wanted to do something later on that evening. She told me she had to make sure the other person from work didn't already have plans for them, (one of the men she worked with was also taking the training, but Lorrie told him an old friend lived in Reno) and that she would call me when it was finished, and yes she wanted to see me again, I could join her and her co-worker if I wanted to. Of course I did. I drove home in a wonderful haze and finally fell asleep for a few hours, dreaming of seeing her again.

Lorrie called that afternoon to tell me that her co-worker had discovered "Blackjack," and was going to play all night (Yea Reno!!!) so she was free and wanted come over again. We spent the evening together, only this time managed to venture out for a very late dinner. I got us lost downtown for a little bit on the way home. I have lived in this town for more than 20 years and two days with Lorrie and I didn't know which way was up!!!

But I knew I was madly in love with her. Yes, the So Very God Damn Rational Rebecca had fallen head over heels in love by email, phone and two short nights together. I knew she was going home in three days to her children, husband and lived 2653 miles away. Obviously I had lost my mind. But it was just my heart I lost after all.

Continuing.......(Lorrie and the kids are off for the weekend, so don't get too impatient OK?)

(You may read the continuing story of More Than 3000 emails - 2000 phone calls by clicking on Part I, Part II and Part III and Part IV)

It Takes More Than 3000 Emails........(continued)

(You may read the continuing story of More Than 3000 emails - 2000 phone calls by clicking on Part I, Part II and Part III and Part IV)

From the beginning of our correspondence, Lorrie had made it perfectly clear what her motivations were, she needed to find out what it was like to be with a woman, that she was married and wished to remain so, that once she got this out of her system, she would then be able to live the rest of her life happily heterosexual. And she emphatically stated that she was honest with her husband about everything. And she was. He did know pretty much from the start what was going on.

Yes, I wanted sex, sex and more sex!!!! LOL! I was just in the beginning of trying to figure "me" out. Even though I had known for years that I was attracted to women, I really thought that if I just had this experience I could get back to living the so called "normal life" that I had chosen so many years before. Little did I know that just by getting to know Rebecca on the phone and through many, many emails it had already turned into so much more than just sex! I only knew this woman from a distance and was already so attracted and connected to her!

And yes, I did tell my husband pretty much everything. I'm sure I left a lot of the details out, but he knew what was going on.

My motivations were a bit more fuzzy. After reading her first emails, I liked her a whole lot. I wanted to at least keep in touch with her because we shared so many of the same experiences. I liked talking to her on the phone too. I did accept that maybe we would just be friends for a while or even for the rest of our lives, but really we would just be friends in the end. When we started talking about the sexual side of things, I knew I hoped there was a possibility we were going to be intimate, I really found myself extremely (totally, completely and entirely) attracted to her, but it still was never really guaranteed.

I wouldn't say I thought it was a guarantee that we were going to be intimate, but I did think there was a very great possibility!! After all, we had talked about it and wrote about it in great detail...and there was definitely a big spark present!!

It certainly bothered me a lot that she was married and that she lived so far away. I told Lorrie that part of the relationship was entirely up to her, I would not make the first move in that direction. I never wanted her to feel pressured by me into sharing her first time. She let me know right from the beginning that if we did, it would be short term, maybe two nights out of the week she was to be here.

Me make the first move...yikes!!!!!! LOL! Sexually I don't think I had ever made the first move before, but maybe that was because the previous moves were being made towards men. I knew I wanted to make the first move! I knew I couldn't be intimate with Rebecca and then just walk away and never talk to her again. I figured we would maintain some sort of long distance friendship. Wow, what a long distance friendship and much much more it turned out to be!!

When she walked into the bar, immediately, the electricity between us was palpable. My brain did start to work finally and we started talking. The time in the bar is a blur in my mind, I remember being so nervous, I could barely look at her after she sat down, afraid she would see too much in my own face and scare her away. I know we made small talk about how great it was to finally meet each other and had another drink. All the wonderful things about her in her emails and phone calls were definitely there in person, making the crush I had on her already deepen. Finally, all I was really doing was hoping and waiting for her to ask to go back to my place.

So I asked her if she wanted another drink, praying that she would say no, let's go....

I don't remember much of the small talk either. I think we were pretty much the only ones in the bar at that time, it was early in the evening. I remember remarking that Monday night football was on already; back east it wouldn't be on until 8 or 9pm. (6pm Reno time) I know we talked in the bar for about 20 minutes or so and then when Rebecca ask me if I wanted another drink, I said.....

"No, I think I want to go to your place...." I caught my breath, at last, "OK, let's go"

There had been many smiles and smirks (smirks? I smirked? I thought they were very meaningful looks, damn, just smirks.......) and looks that made me think that maybe Rebecca was ready to go too! (Oh YEAH BABY!!) We made our way to the car and took off for her place. This I will never forget....we both put our elbows on the console in the middle...our elbows touched...OMG, the electricity I felt go through me was absolutely amazing!!! It wasn't at all like static electricity, it was as if lightning struck! And it struck hard!

My place was about 15 minutes from the Airport, (within the city of Reno everywhere is about 15 minutes from the airport, I kid you not.) I made it in 5. Once we were in the door, I got nervous again, I wasn't all that experienced in this sort of thing myself, so I asked her if she wanted some wine? No. I asked if she wanted tea? No. I went to pour myself a glass of wine, thinking that I really should kiss her, I want to kiss her very much, when I felt her hand on the crook of my arm, I turned, looked into her eyes, smiled, and then she kissed me....

Lightly at first, and I returned it in kind, then we kissed more intensely and that's the moment when the rest of the world dropped away, time stopped and there was only Lorrie and I, our passion and our need remaining...

(yup, leaving you hanging again...while we talk more about exactly what to say next)

To be continued again..........

It Takes More Than 3000 Emails..........

Lorrie and I have talked about blogging about what it has taken to maintain a relationship for nearly 3 years while living 2,653 miles apart. (that's door to door by the way according to Google Maps) Wow, that is a long way away!! But there are so many times I can feel you right next to me!


We thought it might be fun to tell you how it started and what it has been like from both points of view.
Lorrie's text in blue
Rebecca's text in dark purple

The Beginning

Lorrie and I began communicating with each other after she sent me an email on Friend Finders. I signed up to meet lesbians in Reno without going to the one gay bar I knew of at the time, I hoped to make friends and maybe find someone special, I didn't know at the time that I would meet my true love, my partner and my soulmate all at once.

Since Lorrie was from PA, not Reno, her email went to my filtered folder, I saw it there and was going to delete it. But I read it instead. (I have thanked Rebecca many times for digging me out of her filtered folder!) Her feelings of being attracted to women all her life, that she was married, had never acted on it, could not deny the feelings any longer was eerily familiar. I didn't know how many of us were out there at that time, I knew about me, and had heard stories of women leaving their husbands to be who they really were before, but I didn't KNOW any one else. So I emailed her back. And she wrote more to me.

Yes, I know you are all thinking why was Lorrie emailing women in Reno. Well let me reemphasize the line above; I could not deny the feelings of being attracted to women and I needed to act on them! I don't think I am alone in the thought that I had; if I just acted on this desire and "got it out of my system" I could somehow find a way to be happily heterosexual again. Don't all laugh at once!! And after all, a business trip to Reno was the perfect opportunity. OK, we are both a little embarrassed how we met, can you tell? LOL. But not sorry at all....

Our first few emails told each other about ourselves. Our families, her husband, my ex, our kids, our jobs. She told me she would be flying to Reno on business in about 6 weeks. Lorrie wanted to know what it had been like for me with my first woman, when did I first have feelings for other women, you know, all the usual things two women talk about. I really liked her already from her emails, she was open and honest, friendly and warm, they were like a lot of her posts actually. I felt like we were right there talking, face to face. It was easy to say I would like to meet her when she came to town.

Rebecca's story of her first experience with a woman is a pretty good one, she will have to tell all of you sometime, lol! I think NOT, I don't even remember it anymore anyway....

We started talking on the phone shortly after that. Well, it was more Lorrie would talk and I would try to answer at first. I didn't used to be much of a phone talker. I seem to need to look at someone to really talk to them. But Lorrie was a trooper, constantly asking me questions to draw me out. Telling me things about her life and what she liked to do, so I could answer her in kind. It wasn't that hard really, right from the start, she could make me laugh. Just the way she looked at life and things, it was so much like my own sarcastic sense of humor. The humor got me talking back to her and finally she got me to the point where it is so easy for me to talk to her about anything, on the phone or in person.

Now, can any of you believe this?! Isn't it hard to believe that the woman that can go on and on in her blogs (not that that is a bad thing and it IS very educational)(educational = boring...) would only give me one or two word answers to my questions at first! So then I decided I would go to the interview technique of asking open ended questions; you know, like "so Rebecca, if we ever get to meet face to face, what would you like to do.......to me?" OK, so I didn't ask that question until at least the third phone call, lol! (Yeah, that question shocked me too, she seemed so.....so proper!)

I couldn't wait to meet her in the weeks before she was to arrive. When we started emailing I had just moved into my new tiny apartment, and I had only kitchenware in it. I had been trying to furnish the place but was also wanting to fill it with things that I would love so I was taking my time, I was sleeping on the floor, had no where to sit, my dresser was still cardboard boxes, I had the laptop hooked up and a TV.......you get the idea.

Now, I had to move my furniture schedule up, and after all those phone calls, emails and questions, I figured the first piece of furniture I better get was a bed!

We really did hit it off on the phone. It was (eventually) very easy to talk to one another, about everything and anything. We had had similar experiences in our marriages and dealing with heterosexual sex; but we also had wonderful conversations about our kids, our jobs, our hobbies...just anything that came up. I could not wait to meet her in person and it had turned into so much more than just a possible hookup with a woman.

So yes, the phone calls were nice but let me tell you the emails took a turn for the hot, hot , HOT!!!!! I think if we dig out some of those old emails we could write a very juicy lesbian romance novel!!

Sooooooo THE DAY Lorrie was to arrive was upon us. I cleaned the apartment, went and bought some pink roses and got ready to meet her. I put the roses in water, took one out to give to her and left.

I was as nervous as could be, we had decided to meet in one of the bars in the hotel she was staying at later that evening after she landed. I got to the hotel early, and discovered the "bar" was really in the middle of the casino floor, LOL. OMG NO WAY!!! I called her up, and she asked if I could find another one that was more private, she was getting ready and would be down shortly. (I am not big on casinos so I didn't really know the place very well.) I hunted around and found one that was good sized and hardly anyone was there at all. I called her and let her know where I was, bought a drink, and sat down in a lovely oversized easy chair to wait. For about 20 minutes. Sweating. Will she show up? What if she changes her mind, chickens out? OMG what the hell am I DOING HERE???

The days before leaving for my business trip to Reno I could almost not contain myself. I felt like a little girl going to Disneyland for the first time! I kept having to remind myself that I was going there to go to a training class for some silly robotic system at work and not to finally meet this wonderful woman I had been talking to and getting closer and closer to for weeks now.

I tried to amuse myself on the plane ride out west; I even took my sons old Gameboy along. Nothing would take my thoughts off of meeting Rebecca, seeing her face to face, being in the same room with her!

After I made it to the hotel, I showered and started to get ready for our big "date". I was so nervous. I briefly, very briefly considered not going down to the bar. I remember looking in the mirror and saying to myself "Lorrie you really like this woman and already have a good relationship with her; just go downstairs and have a good time!"

Once I walked in the bar and saw Rebecca waiting for me in the big comfy chair with drink in hand and one waiting for me (yes, of course she knew what I liked to drink, we had talked about it) everything just fell into place. EVERYTHING JUST FELL INTO PLACE!!!

And then this tall, amazing blond walks in, and I know it is her, she's here, SHE SHOWED UP! I could feel the biggest smile ever form on my face when I saw her, and then my brain lost it.... OhIhopeshelikesmewhatifshedoesn'tstandupstandupshakeherhandnogiveherahugwhatshouldIdoohhelp!!!
We are leaving you hanging right here.....to be continued of course!

(You may read the continuing story of More Than 3000 emails - 2000 phone calls by clicking on Part I, Part II and Part III and Part IV)

Truth, finally

It is so wonderful to be loved as much as I love, that was something I used to believe I would never know……
Almost 4 years ago, I realized I needed to find out who I really was and why I never felt "normal" or "whole" as a human being or as a woman. I had been married for 16 years, had two children and had tried to do all the things that, as a child I was told, would make me happy. I found myself instead, profoundly unhappy.
It wasn't any one thing I could put my finger on, my marriage was not going well, true, but I knew that wasn't what was causing such deep despair. It was the feeling I had that somehow, I wasn't "right" at all. I am a spiritual person and the more I prayed the more the feelings of not being right increased. No, the feeling that increased was that I was living a lie.
It wasn't until I watched a movie called "When Night Is Falling" that I started to realize that what I thought was something to be denied in myself, was really who I was. I suddenly understood what lie I had been living most of my life. I was attracted to women. The feelings I had so long dismissed as aberrations were real. Once I admitted this to myself, I could for the first time, believe Psalm 139 "for you formed my inward parts: you knitted me together in my mother's womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made" Living THE LIE was wrong, how I was made, was not!

I knew I couldn't stay married to my husband any longer. He would not have allowed an open marriage, even if I only saw other women. I only told him I wanted a divorce, not the reason why He agreed and I filed a week later. Living in Nevada, the divorce decree came 6 days later, LOL. Several months later I came out to him and he was not surprised! He said he had suspected it for many years.
I didn't know it then, but I had just taken the truest step in my adult life.
Two months later I would meet the woman who I knew was my soul mate from the moment I laid eyes on her! We have now been seeing each other for two years, and everyday of those two years our love has only deepened, and loving each other is the easiest thing in the world....
She sent me this two months ago:

When you meet your soul mate, this person will have an instantaneous effect on you.
A soul mate is someone who makes your knees go weak and takes your breath away.
With but a single glance they lessen your burden, and but a smile, touch your heart.
You will feel a sense of total connection with this person.
They will touch you so deeply on so many levels that you will want to share you innermost secrets. For the first time in your life someone will make you feel almost like a goddess.
Once you have met your soul mate, for better or sometimes worse, your life will never be the same...
One of the things which makes this encounter so unique is the sense of a profound spiritual experience. You both feel like this is meant to be and that you've been together before in a past incarnation.
When you meet your soul mate something happens — the deep yearning, the compelling energy drawing you to become physically intimate overwhelms many...
Nothing will have ever felt so right...There's a sense of safety with this person.
You knowingly let go of your defenses as a deep empathic bond is formed.
Unlike any other relationships you may have had, there will be no game playing or hidden agendas, only truth...
There is something about the passion you share with a soul mate that goes so far beyond just the physical body. For a moment in time you two are the only ones who exist in the universe.
Hearts beating in rhythm as your souls have intertwined themselves becoming one.
Your spiritual energies meld and you feel the flame of creation move through you like a wave of the ocean on a hot summer's day. Soon you begin to lose track of where you begin and your partner ends...
From within the depths of your exquisitely passionate union, your soul mate will know exactly how and where to touch you. It will be different, more intense, and more gratifying than any lover from your past... And more electrifying than anything you have ever imagined...
They will look into your eyes and you will feel your soul open wide. For some people, there is the "rush". All the love, all the lust, and all the need will surge forth from your soul like captives from a cage.
At this moment you will know what it means to get lost within someone's eyes.
You will experience a realization you have never felt before and your desire and passion will rise to new levels. But in the end, as you lay there, as the warm afterglow begins to fade, you will realize what just happened was not merely sex. Sex pales in comparison to what you have just experienced. .. To put it simply, your soul mate will be able to make love to you in ways no one else will ever be able to match...

~Unknown~