Saturday, December 27, 2008

Thinking About The New Year.......And The Old

Wishing you and yours only the best of New Years.....
I am looking forward to the New Year, I am actually excited about it. I have never made a list of New Year's Resolutions if you want to know the truth...But I have a few for this year!
They are:

  1. Quit Smoking, OMG Lorrie will love this one!
  2. Drop the 20 lbs that just keep hanging on to me. I know how to do it, I have just been lazy.
  3. Quit procrastinating about things like Dr.'s and Dentists appointments. I have gotten a lot better recently about procrastinating in general, but still do it in these two areas.
  4. Pay attention especially in my HTML/XHTML class so I can make the blog interactive with a discussion forum.
Another reason to be excited is that Lorrie and I will have some time together towards February! I can't wait to have her beautiful sexy self right in front of me where I can lean over and just kiss her if I want to!

Last year was definitely mixed for me. My oldest son gave me quite a few gray hairs before he finally moved out. I love him very much, but he wanted to "rule the roost" and do only what he wanted to do, which did not include going to school or working, LOL. I think his tone has changed quite a bit lately.
Lorrie and I connected on a new higher level and fell deeper in love with each other than we thought was possible.
I have enjoyed having just alone time with my younger son, something the two of us have really never experienced before.
I came out to my entire family, including my very fundamentalist brother and his wife. My Sister-in-law sent me a Christmas card and has forwarded me a few emails, but the closest I got from hearing anything from my brother is a chain email, LOL, maybe he was fishing to see if I would open up discussion, or maybe I was just on that mailing list. I don't know how to begin the discussion if you want to know.
My dad, who spent most of my youth instilling in me that one of the most important things in life is what other people think of you and one must behave according to all social norms and dictates, was the
only one in my family who always suspected I was a lesbian. ARRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!
I think I am really, really over trying to please other people because of rejection.
The one sister I had not yet come out to was shocked, but OK with me being a lesbian. She said she was glad I finally found someone who really loves me and whom I love just as much.
So, what are your New Year Resolutions?? And how was your 2008?

Thursday, December 25, 2008

From Lorrie and I to all of you.

Monday, December 22, 2008

8 against H8

When I heard that American Family Association (AKA Anti Gay Movement Leadership) was going after Campbell's soup I got really miffed about their efforts to have Campbell's pull their ads from The Advocate.
Campbell's is one of the leaders in the world of corporate social responsibility. I know a little about them from their labels for education program at the schools my kids attended and attend. The blurb below is from their site:
"For more than 30 years, Labels for Education has been awarding free educational equipment to schools in exchange for proofs of purchase from the Campbell family of brands. It’s a fun, easy program where students, families and members of the community work together for a common goal.
Today, over 80,000 schools and organizations are registered with Labels for Education, benefiting more than 42 million students. Over the years, we've been able to provide more than $100 million in merchandise to America's schools!"

Campbell's soup also uses sustainable farming techniques and recycles about 70% of their solid waste.

They are also a very progressive employer with 50% of their workfoce being women and 34% people of color. They also actively seek out suppliers who are diverse. Their inclusion policy includes Gays, Lesbians Bisexuals AND Transgender employees.

Below are some exerpts from their 2008 Corporate Social Responsibility Report :

A member of the CEO ’s Executive Leadership Team serves as a sponsor for each affinity network.
These networks are: Women of Campbell, Campbell African American Network, Hispanic Network de Campbell, Asian Network of Campbell, Our Pride Employee Network (OPEN), Campbell’s gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender employee network and The Bridge, an affinity network that brings together four generations of employees from Millennials to Traditionalists....Campbell has developed a diversity and inclusion scorecard to benchmark progress in the areas of recruitment, development and retention. We believe that representation, while important, only lays the foundation for creating a dynamically diverse and inclusive environment.

Myself and 7 others got together at work (NOT CAMPBELL'S BTW) to buy at least 8 cans of Campbell's soup a week for one month. Now, that is lots of soup, LOL. I also sent an email to Douglas Conant of Campbell's at letting him know of our intentions against AFA's hate.

But I think that if others who see the AFA's attack on Campbells as another extension of the Anti-Gay industries campaign to send us back into the closet, then we should get a BUYcott going of 8 cans a month per participant. If you don't eat that much soup, then you can donate it to your local food bank, a neighbor or homeless person. It would work out to about 8 dollars a month.

Friday, December 19, 2008

Leaving Your Old Life

When Lorrie and I signed up and started this blog for women like us, our intention was to reach out to, connect with and help and learn from other women who had lived a life like us before coming out. (i.e "the straight life" "the socially acceptable life")
One of the things I would like to discuss in leaving your old life is what you took with you, or left behind.
Independently, and before we met, we both either knew of or heard of women who had
A.) left their husbands and left the kids with the husband and moved in with their love,
B.) kept the kids and moved in all together with the new love,
C.) stayed with the husbands and kids and sought an "open marriage" or
D.) for lack of a better way to put it, continued to have a secret affair with their lover
and basically remained "in the closet" until the kids were grown.

Our side of the story is this:
If you have read some of our earlier posts, you know Lorrie and I live 2,500 miles apart. After we first met and fell in love, we talked about one of us moving across the country to be closer to each other. After I came out to my kids, I knew I couldn't leave just yet because neither of my children wanted to leave Reno. They were born and raised here and were in High School. I moved a lot when I was a kid, I know how hard it can be to make new friends and go to new schools, especially high school. I knew I should stay here until they were out of High School. It is only another year and a half, and I decided to get my degree in the meantime. Besides, Nevada colleges are a lot less expensive than Pennsylvania ones, LOL.

Lorrie's kids did not wish to move from their home either being also born and raised there. Soooooo, we fly back and forth as often as is possible. It is not easy, it is down right painful at times actually. But I know that in the end it will have made everyone's life easier and it, I believe, will stem off any resentment that the merging of the two families prematurely might have caused.

See, our situation is different than a man/woman thing, because the kids would have had to deal with not only moving to a new state, town and neighborhood, but the added bigotry of some folks, and they would have likely faced teasing and harassment from their peers about their two moms. If the kids had been willing to move, I don't think we would need to worry about their ability to deal with the bigotry. But when you add that to the fact they are where they don't want to be, we both felt it would be too much.

Now, before we came to this decision, we both wanted to just pack up, leave the kids with their fathers if they didn't want to come with us, and just start a new life together. I mean we really really were tempted and I even sent Lorrie Norah Jones's song "Come Away With Me" which was rather selfish of me now that I think about it. One of Lorries kids was just hitting puberty at the time and the youngest was only eight. Not a good time to have mom just pack up and leave.
But we were sorely tempted let me tell you. I think that for us, in the end, we made the best choice for ourselves and for our children. For ourselves, because we believed that if we hurt our children or the other's children, we could begin to resent that in each other, and it would end up damaging the amazing love we do have for each other.

But by the same token, we also understand the incredible desire, want and need to be with the one we love totally, completely and entirely and right now! And if we had chosen that path we know we would have been trying, like women who do choose to live together, to make the very best of very messy things.

I have come to realize that women like us are forced to make these very hard choices because it is that old "societies norm" kinda thing. If we had fallen in love with another "man" the choices are often more open. The pain might not be less, but the healing time I think is shorter. The husband can move out, you don't fear losing your kids so much, and if you do leave your kids, there isn't that "stigma" attatched to it that it was all about another woman. I mean, if that stigma didn't matter to us, we would have been "out" years ago, right?

So my seekers of truth and love, how has living in the closet affected you and yours? How hard was it for your ex, or present husband to realize it was "another woman"? And aren't you glad you don't have to be in that dark lonely place anymore? I know I am. I know that we have a ways to go to clean up the messes made by that dark place, but it isn't anything that can't be done now that we have seen the light!

Saturday, December 13, 2008

Missing You......

I miss everything about you.
I miss the way you always smell good even if it's just shampoo.
The way your head always finds the right spot on my shoulder.
How cute you look when you sleep.
The ease in which you fit into my arms.
How cute you are when you eat.

I miss how you are always warm, even when it's minus 30 outside.
The way you look good no matter what you wear.
The way your hand always finds mine.
The way you smile.
The way you make me smile.

I miss the way you kiss me all of a sudden, making everything right in the world.
The way you kiss me when I do something nice for you.
The way you kiss me when I say "I love you."

Actually ... just the way you kiss me,

The way you say, "I miss you."
The way I miss you.
The way your anger or frustration or even tears make me want to change the world so that it doesn't hurt you anymore.

I miss you because when I fell in love with you, you became every thing to me.
When I look you in the eyes, I travel to the depths of your soul and we say a million things without a single word.
I know that my own life is entwined with yours.

I love you for a million reasons no words can do justice.
It is a thing not only of my mind but of my soul and heart.

Thursday, December 11, 2008

Could we be "allergic"?

OK, this post is for fun, and maybe science...
(You may not and probably don't know this, but I think science, well scientists, especially one in particular, is/are very, very SEXY!!!)
Lorrie and I were talking on the phone this afternoon, as we do every day, and somehow we got to talking about how we would have to wash off the sperm right away after sex with our husbands, (when we were still in denial, LOL)because it would a.)burn and/or b.)itch like crazy..........SO OF COURSE we both said, "I used to think I was maybe allergic!!" OK, OK, I am still giggling about it, sorry.....
Now, we know we are not lesbian's because we are allergic, but we are wondering if we are allergic because we ARE lesbians?
Please, someone reply to this one, we need to hear your thoughts or experiences for the sake of "science!!"

Saturday, December 6, 2008

Have you ever been Lonely?

Did you know you can’t truly feel lonely until you know what it’s like to be with someone you truly love, someone you enjoy doing anything and everything with, someone you can truly be yourself with at all times?
It took me 45 years to figure this out! And then my true love had to tell me as I couldn’t quite put my finger on it…Thank You Rebecca!!
I always thought I was OK with not feeling deeply emotionally attached to people, a little bit of a loner.
But…then I fell in LOVE; for the first time in my life feeling complete with another!!
And now…when she is not with me, close to me..I am truly lonely. And yes, you are right Honey; I am not alone..nor do I feel alone…alone and lonely are very different. I am not alone, as you are always with me in some way. And it is OK that I feel lonely…that just proves to me how much I Miss You and Love You!!
And….we will not be lonely forever…we will have the rest of our lives to filled up with each other!!!
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