Monday, August 31, 2009

Changing Focus

"All my life I had been looking for something, and everywhere I turned, someone tried to tell me what it was. I accepted their answers too, though they were often in contradiction and even self-contradictory. I was naïve. I was looking for myself and asking everyone except myself questions which I, and only I, could answer. It took me a long time and much painful boomeranging of my expectations to achieve a realization everyone else appears to have been born with: that I am nobody but myself." ~ Ralph Ellison

Like Mr. Ellison, I too was late coming to this realization. But thank God I did!!!
It seems as if most of what I hear and stumble upon reading these days is something along these lines or it points to the profound impact our experiences of just who we are, can have on others around us.  Yes, no matter what others say, no matter what others believe about us, it is our own lives that speak the loudest truth.  Our living authentically is our best defense.


I want to spend some more time speaking these truths.  I am not talking about the film clips of the families together or years long relationships.  Though those have their place.  I am talking about our own knowledge that we are gay.  Not confused, not questioning, but simply gay.  No book, no opinion, no faked out, trumped up studies can change the truth of our own lives and inner knowledge of this. 

Also, I have decided not to continue with the original track of Blogging for Truth because what the Anti Gay Industry says about us is not valid, but what we have to say about who we are is.  And it is more powerful than their biggest lies.


All religions tell us to think on those things that are good and pure and wise.  Hundreds of self help gurus promise riches and happiness if you just imagine the things you want.  While some of them go a bit far with the imagining, there is, I believe a universal truth at work in all of these beliefs.  If we focus our attention on attaining that we expect, then we act in ways that will achieve the things we expect. While bad things happen to everyone in life, studies do show optimists tend to have good things happen to them more often than not, and pessimists more frequently have negative things happen.  We tend to get what we expect, not always what we want.

With that, and because things are still rolling around in the ole brain, I will leave you with one last quote to arm yourself with when the nay sayers are harping at or even in your head:



"Rabbi Zusya said that on the Day of Judgment, God would ask him, not why he had not been Moses, but why he had not been Zusya." ~Walter Kaufmann 

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

A Sharing Moment!

This morning I received these lovely flowers from My Love just because!!!  What a wonderful way to start my day!

Sorry girls, she is ALL MINE, lol........

Sunday, August 23, 2009

An artist Scott Terry, and his Prop 8 Sculpture

"Art is not made to decorate apartments. It's an offensive and defensive weapon against the enemy." - Pablo Picasso

Quite a few weeks ago, I was introduced to a freelance writer and artist on Twitter, named Scott Terry. He paints watercolors of American pastoral scenes. I am not an art critic, but I find his work beautiful and inspired. I grew up in the farm country of California and his works invoke the peace and beauty that is often overlooked in the rural areas of that state. Scott is an artist first and formost, not an activist, but he was offended by the words of hate used by those supporting Prop H8 in that state. After it passed he was inspired to create a sculpture that he ultimately called "Words of the Stiffnecked People" from Exodus 32:9 (And the LORD said unto Moses, I have seen this people, and, behold, it is a stiffnecked people)
Scott describes his piece on his website:

This piece is comprised of 250 wooden blocks, some wrapped with Yes on 8 propaganda and others wrapped in biblical text. They are arranged in a chronological and topographical order, beginning with a miniature Bible in the center and yellow blocks rising out of the chaos and winding their way through a sea of scripture.

I took the words of the fundamentalists and re-printed them on Yes on 8 yard signs and bumper stickers. I gathered the quotes, statistics, history, and headlines and re-arranged them on yellow and blue Protect Marriage material...and then wrapped the remaining blocks with selected pages torn from the Bible and Book of Mormon.

The sculpture is receiving quite a bit of attention since it was first exhibited at the Sacramento Gay Pride event on June 20th, courtesy of the YesOnGayMarriage organization.

It is headed to the California State Employee's convention in Los Angeles over Labor Day, courtesy of the SEIU Human and Civil Rights committee.
It's worth heading over to Scott's site and checking out the pictures of the sculpture and the poster made to go along with it if you can't make the event in LA:

Sunday, August 16, 2009

On Facebook......LOL

So, I signed up for Facebook a while back, you know, just to promote the blogs, but I have gotten some big surprises out of it. I am reconnecting with a number of old friends. Jr. High and High School friends actually. One of the friends you can meet on Late in Life Lesbians, that's Robbie, we went to High School together and always had a lot in common, just how much in common, I never knew, LMAO! Others I have not seen in 20 + years and it is fun getting to know them again.
I am going to pimp one of them, because she has a business now. Tammy and I go way back to Jr. High School and was my very bestest friend until I moved away the year before graduation. Turns out she makes wire jewelry and is pretty good at it too, and her prices are way too low! Check it out at Spirals and Spice
OK, I am not going to make a habit of pimping other people's businesses, so don't ask......
Anyway, I am gearing up to start classes again in a week! I have five this time, each semester before I have limited myself to four because I work full time too......we shall see how it works, but I am impatient to get moving on with a whole new career and life! I think Lorrie is impatient too......LOL

Saturday, August 8, 2009

Seeing Clearly Now......

I guess I should start off by saying that Lorrie and I are NOT breaking up! We have definitely resolved some of the issues that had come up between us with me moving there and what each of us expects when that happens. I know that we won't make the same mistake again of not talking about the things that worry us. Obviously Don't Ask, Don't Tell does not work at all in any situation....that policy is over now in our relationship forever!

For now anyway, Lor said she wanted a break from the blog, but she should still be lurking around the Late In Life Lesbians Network, LOL.

I love this song, and Lorrie mentioned this morning that it was going through her head, lol, thought I would share it with all of you because you have all been so patient of late:

Thursday, August 6, 2009

Can All The Anti-Gay Industry Just Go Away Now?

In other words........stop misleading people, stop lying to them, stop the hate AND STOP KICKING YOUR KIDS OUT OF THE HOUSE and/or shipping them to these houses of horror and let them become truly who they were created to be as human beings!

August 5, 2009 -

APA PRESS RELEASE

August 5, 2009
Contact: Kim Mills
(202) 336-6048 until Aug. 5
(416) 585-3800 – Aug. 5-9


INSUFFICIENT EVIDENCE THAT SEXUAL ORIENTATION CHANGE EFFORTS WORK, SAYS APA

Practitioners Should Avoid Telling Clients They Can Change from Gay to Straight


TORONTO—The American Psychological Association adopted a resolution Wednesday stating that mental health professionals should avoid telling clients that they can change their sexual orientation through therapy or other treatments.

The "Resolution on Appropriate Affirmative Responses to Sexual Orientation Distress and Change Efforts" also advises that parents, guardians, young people and their families avoid sexual orientation treatments that portray homosexuality as a mental illness or developmental disorder and instead seek psychotherapy, social support and educational services "that provide accurate information on sexual orientation and sexuality, increase family and school support and reduce rejection of sexual minority youth."

The approval, by APA's governing Council of Representatives, came at APA's annual convention, during which a task force presented a report that in part examined the efficacy of so-called "reparative therapy," or sexual orientation change efforts (SOCE).

"Contrary to claims of sexual orientation change advocates and practitioners, there is insufficient evidence to support the use of psychological interventions to change sexual orientation," said Judith M. Glassgold, PsyD, chair of the task force. "Scientifically rigorous older studies in this area found that sexual orientation was unlikely to change due to efforts designed for this purpose. Contrary to the claims of SOCE practitioners and advocates, recent research studies do not provide evidence of sexual orientation change as the research methods are inadequate to determine the effectiveness of these interventions." Glassgold added: "At most, certain studies suggested that some individuals learned how to ignore or not act on their homosexual attractions. Yet, these studies did not indicate for whom this was possible, how long it lasted or its long-term mental health effects. Also, this result was much less likely to be true for people who started out only attracted to people of the same sex."

Based on this review, the task force recommended that mental health professionals avoid misrepresenting the efficacy of sexual orientation change efforts when providing assistance to people distressed about their own or others' sexual orientation.

APA appointed the six-member Task Force on Appropriate Therapeutic Responses to Sexual Orientation in 2007 to review and update APA's 1997 resolution, "Appropriate Therapeutic Responses to Sexual Orientation," and to generate a report. APA was concerned about ongoing efforts to promote the notion that sexual orientation can be changed through psychotherapy or approaches that mischaracterize homosexuality as a mental disorder.

The task force examined the peer-reviewed journal articles in English from 1960 to 2007, which included 83 studies. Most of the studies were conducted before 1978, and only a few had been conducted in the last 10 years. The group also reviewed the recent literature on the psychology of sexual orientation.

"Unfortunately, much of the research in the area of sexual orientation change contains serious design flaws," Glassgold said. "Few studies could be considered methodologically sound and none systematically evaluated potential harms."

As to the issue of possible harm, the task force was unable to reach any conclusion regarding the efficacy or safety of any of the recent studies of SOCE: "There are no methodologically sound studies of recent SOCE that would enable the task force to make a definitive statement about whether or not recent SOCE is safe or harmful and for whom," according to the report.

"Without such information, psychologists cannot predict the impact of these treatments and need to be very cautious, given that some qualitative research suggests the potential for harm," Glassgold said. "Practitioners can assist clients through therapies that do not attempt to change sexual orientation, but rather involve acceptance, support and identity exploration and development without imposing a specific identity outcome."

As part of its report, the task force identified that some clients seeking to change their sexual orientation may be in distress because of a conflict between their sexual orientation and religious beliefs. The task force recommended that licensed mental health care providers treating such clients help them "explore possible life paths that address the reality of their sexual orientation, reduce the stigma associated with homosexuality, respect the client's religious beliefs, and consider possibilities for a religiously and spiritually meaningful and rewarding life."

"In other words," Glassgold said, "we recommend that psychologists be completely honest about the likelihood of sexual orientation change, and that they help clients explore their assumptions and goals with respect to both religion and sexuality."

A copy of the task force report may be obtained from APA's Public Affairs Office or at http://www.apa.org/pi/lgbc/publications/therapeutic-response.pdf.

Members of the APA Task Force on Appropriate Therapeutic Responses to Sexual Orientation:

Judith M. Glassgold, PsyD, Rutgers University – Chair
Lee Beckstead, PhD
Jack Drescher, MD
Beverly Greene, PhD, St. John's University
Robin Lin Miller, PhD, Michigan State University
Roger L. Worthington, PhD, University of Missouri

The American Psychological Association, in Washington, D.C., is the largest scientific and professional organization representing psychology in the United States and is the world's largest association of psychologists. APA's membership includes more than 150,000 researchers, educators, clinicians, consultants and students. Through its divisions in 54 subfields of psychology and affiliations with 60 state, territorial and Canadian provincial associations, APA works to advance psychology as a science, as a profession and as a means of promoting health, education and human welfare.

Saturday, August 1, 2009

Because some of you believe some of this, and we need to stop doing that if we are to be whole......

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The Trip To Reno


We really had a great time last week. On Thursday we finally got out and went to a Reno Aces ballgame which they won! This is their inaugural year and our first AAA ball team in a beautiful new stadium. We had front row, third base seats right behind Brett Butler who is the manager. The Aces started out blowing away the Portland Beavers (OMG we could not have attended a more appropriate game) but then the Beavers made a game of it for a while, it was very exciting to see. Oh and I found this video on YouTube that gives you an idea how fun it is there. Though we missed the ball head singing Take Me Out To The Ball Game because we were following the Aces Girls in front of us..........

On Saturday we attended the monthly Reno Beer Crawl but we stopped crawling once we hit The Men's Club, one of our truly finer strip clubs, Lorrie had never been to one and we both had a blast even though Lorrie wouldn't let me buy her a lap dance. She did manage some boob in the face action however so not all was lost!!! Later that night we went to the Journey/Heart Concert, it was fantastic, especially Heart! OMG Annie and Nancy sure do still have it all! The new lead singer for Journey was wonderful and energetic and sounds an awful lot like Steve Perry.

On Sunday we drove to California and toured Napa Valley where I got rather tipsy from the tastings, we stayed the night in Kelseyville, LMAO. (it was founded by some ancestor of mine) Not an exciting town and we pissed off the pizza place dude because we didn't know they closed at 9 and we got there 10 minutes before. He even had the gall to ask us when we were leaving if we knew he closed at 9, LOL. (they had no hours of operation posted by the way, we looked) If we had we would have stayed longer because he spent the whole time our pizza was cooking banging things around and harumphing like a 4 year old. After that we picked up James because he spent the week with his dad in Loch Lomond near Clear Lake.

It may have seemed this took a while to get posted. Since coming home, Lorrie and I have been working on communicating better with each other. We learned it really does take more than phone calls, emails and visits to keep a relationship whole. And not just a long distance one. It takes real communication and trust, of feelings and thoughts and goals and dreams and especially our fears. Honestly and openly with out letting the fear get in the way. We discovered neither one of us has been doing much of that with each other over the past six months. After spending most of our lives hiding those things from the rest of the world, we discovered we don't always exactly know how to be open with each other when it comes to this stuff.

I think we are beginning to learn. I know we both want to.
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