Sunday, July 12, 2009

The Continuing Saga...over 2000 phone calls and counting

Lorrie and I met and have maintained a long distance relationship for nearly three years now, this is our story. It wasn't supposed to be this long, but just like our relationship, you can't always foresee what the future will bring! You may catch up with 3000 emails - 2000 phone calls by clicking on Part I, Part II, Part III and Part IV

It was a long plane ride home. My head was swirling and my heart was crying. The first thing I did when I got in my van at the airport in Philly was call Rebecca. I told her what an amazing time I had; I wanted to tell her that she had touched a part of me that had never been touched before. I made some stupid comment about "finding a place to put her"...but I knew there was no way I could put her away; I just wanted her besides me...always!

The first thing I did when I got home was send an email to Lorrie, letting her know how amazing she was and how much I enjoyed my time with her, I meant it to be goodbye, forever. I went back to bed to try and sleep, but I couldn't, all I could do was think of Lorrie on the plane headed away from Reno and my life.

I couldn't believe it when Lorrie called me, from her van, right off the plane, I was so glad to hear her voice again. When Lorrie said she was finding a place to put me, I just wanted to tell her just don't put me away forever, but I felt like it would be best for both of us if she did. The next morning she emailed me back letting me know that she was the soccer mom and wife once more.

Two days after she left we had sent each other 13 emails trying to let go of each other but neither one of us could. Each one revealing more of what we were feeling while she was here and coming to the realization finally that it had been the same in depth and intensity for each of us.

So....I think from that point forward we have talked on the phone at least once a day and if there were days we missed, we made up for them by emailing more often or texting! It took us one month of seeing how high our phone bills were before we realized we both needed to be on the same network, LOL! We sure burned up our minutes in a hurry. Lorrie was calling me every morning on her way to work as well as sometimes on her way home and at lunch.

It took us both a couple of months to figure out in our heads and our hearts what was happening between us. They were a crazy couple of months. There were days when I expected to see Rebecca on my front door steps or to be calling me from the airport and saying "I'm here!" There were many days instead of making that right turn toward my work I really really really wanted to make the left toward the airport!

Lorrie and I would joke that I should move there. I was not tied to a job really and was divorced. There were days when I was very tempted just to move to Philadelphia, not even waiting to ask Lorrie if it was really OK. Just get the craziness over, spend more time with her and see if what we were feeling was real. The only thing that did keep me in Reno at that time were my kids.

We talked and talked and talked. We replayed every moment of our wonderful 4 nights together over and over and over. We both expressed to each other what a connection we had to one another. But that L word...that took us a while to get to. I knew I felt more in love with Rebecca than I ever had with my H; but I was married with kids, the big suburban house, a good job, busy living my very heterosexual could I tell this woman that I love her, that I am in love with her??

I knew I was in love with Lorrie, but I was afraid of saying it for fear of scaring her away. I didn't think she was in love with me, or no more than a crush, or even out of love with her husband. Talk of seeing each other again would be tempered with worries about somebody finding out, or her kids and she did not want to leave her husband and I certainly did not want her to leave her husband for me, I also felt very strongly that she should continue to do what she thought best for her kids.

During those months I made more than a few attempts to break it off. I knew it was driving Lorrie crazy and I knew I was going crazy thinking about her and I knew I could never be with her for longer than a few days every now and then at best. I saw no future for us really, though we always seemed to talk about one in each of our phone calls and emails.

I needed to see Rebecca again; I could think of nothing else! It is really amazing that I didn't get fired or at least reprimanded during that time as I was not doing a very good job of doing my job. The other amazing thing is that I told my H I wanted to go out and see Rebecca again and he agreed to it (of course he thought this was just something more that was needed to get this out of my system, lol).

I couldn't believe Lorrie really wanted to see me again so soon. At first I was to go to Philadelphia, but I couldn't get the time off from my new job, when I knew I couldn't go there, I was very relieved that Lorrie said she could fly here instead. We both agreed that this would give us a chance to see if it was just a crush, or something much more.

So....I made plans to go see Rebecca again the weekend before Thanksgiving; approximately 9 weeks after I had left her in September. Hence, the first of many countdowns began!
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