Brokeback Marriage

Way to go Baby! You blogged!!!

I'm not going to be as good as you and actually write a blog but just attach a link to this article that I'm sure most of us can relate to from the Dec. issue of the Philadelphia magazine:

http://www.phillymag.com/articles/sex_brokeback_marriage/page1



Oh...and 31 Days from now I will be in Reno with My Baby!

OK, I think I just have to dive in and just write what I have thought about in the past few months!!!

Hello again my friends!!! You know I have been having a hell of a time with writers block, and frankly I am tired of talking and thinking about it right now, so I guess I just need to just write my thoughts and we can all sort out any confusion in the comments section!  I have missed you all terribly and have a few times tried to put something up, but every time my mind drew a blank and I would just turn off the computer and say I'll do it tomorrow.  I think enough tomorrows have gone by don't you?

I think I want to start by saying I read a biography a couple of months ago called Barney Frank: The Story of America’s Only Left-Handed, Gay, Jewish Congressman by Stuart Weisberg. Weisberg writes that Frank “found Abraham Lincoln’s aphorism to be as relevant to an individual as to a country. ‘I could not live half slave and half free, privately free to be a gay man but publicly a slave to the prejudice that would not allow me to acknowledge it,’"

Now probably the most mind blowing thing that I read in this book was the following statement, because until we came out of the closet, (even if we aren't a public figure) we knew this is true, even if we didn't have the words to express it and it is why it is so very damn important that every closet be at long last emptied: Being in the closet is a culturally induced mental disease. For a public figure, the effort required to live a clandestine emotional/sexual life involves an all-consuming strangulation of one’s fundamental identity. It is psychologically, emotionally and mentally exhausting, all the more so if one is in a prominent political office, in which image is all-determinant. It leads to cracked judgments—particularly those involving people—since one’s ability to see others clearly is spavined by emotional chaos in order to successfully live the lie.

There is no way to be a complete, whole or especially not an authentic human being until we stop living the lie.  No ifs, no buts about it.

With that in mind, I read this month's Advocate magazine, and the letter from the editor was about how he is a man, who just happens to be gay. It struck a chord with me, because really when I have to think of my identity for what ever reason, lesbian is not the first thing that comes to my mind. Honestly, Mom is. Then Lorrie's lover and then the rest of all the things that make up the sum of my parts.  That wasn't true when I first came out, LESBIAN was who I WAS.  And it felt like it was ALL I was.  I think that coming to the realization that I am who I always have been but I just happen to be a lesbian was something that came with my finally knowing I am whole and complete as a woman.

At the same time me being a lesbian does influence the whole of me in a large way. It just isn't all I am. It isn't all any of us are. I am finally comfortable with who I am, finally comfortable in the knowledge that I am also a lesbian. Comfortable in my own skin, warts, bumps and all.  Well, OK, some of those warts gotta go though.  And the bumps need to get smaller, or at least firmer!!

Let's see, probably the most pressing news you all want is to know is that I will be moving to the Philadelphia area next summer, come hell or high water.  Lorrie and I have absolutely had it with the long distance crap!!!
I will graduate next Spring!  I CAN'T WAIT!!!!  It has been over three years now, three years of longing and patience and frustration and emails and phone calls and of course the best of all times every three months when we can get together but enough is enough already! :D

So, I already told you I quit my job, OK, you know that.  I don't have a part time job as planned but my former husband is living with us again because of the accident he was in a couple of months ago, so he is helping with the expenses and I help take care of him. It hasn't been all that bad at all, he and the boys are spending a lot of time talking together and watching movies and he and I get along, we have of course, since he realized that I had to be who I am and that it wasn't his fault, lol.  His sobering up last winter has been the biggest part of letting things get right in the end. 

And now for your Christmas and everyday shopping pleasure: my last post was about Jay's "Everyone's a freak to someone"....well, I haven't been totally MIA, because I helped him set up a Cafe Press store to sell some items with his catch phrase on them :) Here is the link to it, and let us know if there is something you think we should add to the line up, I mean if you are going to buy it and all!  He he he he.   http://www.cafepress.com/everyonesafreak  Come on over and get your freak on!!!

OK, that wasn't so hard after all :) and I was going to talk about Facebook, LOL but I think that is going to have to be another post, all to itself!

Take care everyone, I do hope you had a great Thanksgiving if you live in the U.S. and a great weekend for everyone in the whole world!

Everyone's a freak to someone, National Coming Out Day, and other thoughts.

Today is National Coming Out Day!  It is also, I just realized, the One Year Anniversary of this blog!  I cannot believe it has been a whole year.

The past two months have been very topsy turvey around here.  Things are beginning to settle down and you all should be able to receive much more frequent updates to this blog.  It is after all dedicated to those of us who come out later on in life, many of us having lived in the closet for years, many have married and also have children.  We know that our experiences are different from perhaps someone who came out at a younger age, or never married.  I sure hope to get this back on track as a forum to help each other get through it as best we can. 

I know you may be looking at that interesting graphic there about freaks, and maybe even thinking "Rebecca, I am sooooo not a freak!!"  LMAO.  That's funny, my first thought was HELL YES!!!  We all have SOMETHING about us that would seem absolutely freaky to at least one other person on this earth.  Even if it is as simple as eating fried bologna (love it, personally).  Now I know I have some other freaky habits (so not sharing those), Lorrie might even know of a couple that I don't even realize she thinks are freaky.  Anyway, Jay, over at the ever fabulous, always entertaining and sometimes too thought provoking Jaysays.com, had a post up that if you wrote your freaky thing to him, he would send you a bumpersticker of the graphic above.  I have one, he actually generously sent two, one of which was claimed by one of Kevin's buddies.  He spoke first, he got it, I wasn't giving up mine, NO WAY!  From the reaction I got from Kevin's friends, I think he is really on to something there.  It sure makes you think while you are laughing to yourself!

OK, so back to National Coming Out Day.....it was also the National Equality March in Washington D.C.  From the time I saw a post about this through "Join the Impact" I really wanted to go.  I couldn't, I knew I had school, my job wouldn't let me have the days off, I didn't know until last week that I was quitting my job though........LOL.  Yeah, in this economy.  A lot of stress lately has been coming from my job, my new supervisor decided that school was not important to me and decided that I should now work 10-12 hours a day and every Saturday.  I don't think she realized I am on a time table to finish in May, July at the latest........I have a country to move across damn it!!!  Sorry, but the job lost.  I can make it finding a part time job, and that shouldn't be too hard as Christmas season is closing in on us.

OOPS!   I got off track, (hate when I ramble) I was talking about the National Equality March in Washington D.C.  There are some great stories on it, and was much more successful than most media and politicians thought it would be, and even more successful than even the organizers may have imagined.  Here are some links to several news stories and the Google of the events:

Leah McElrath Renna from the Huffington Post

Towleroad

LGBT Q News

National Equality March Web Site Slideshow

Goombah's Rainbow

Google Search

Take care all and keep coming out of those prisons AKA "The Closet"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Fall is Here

Wow, it’s been a long time! I feel like I have been on the roller coaster called life and sitting in the front seat for the last two months. Actually for one fun filled night with my daughter this is exactly what we did; went to a local amusement park and rode all the rollercoasters in the front seat. It took me so long to comb my hair the next day that I contemplated just cutting it, lol (Don’t worry Baby I won’t!).

I started my ride with my trip out to Reno to see my love! (We have blogged about this before so you can read about it in the archives if you want.) I was home for about a week and a half; and the time immediately after coming home from a visit with Rebecca is always so hard, missing her so much; so maybe it was good that I hopped back on a plane and flew to Vegas with one of my good friends for a 4 day visit to Sin City. As visits to Vegas go, I’m sure this one would be considered saintly, lol…we walked, shopped, went to shows, toured the Red Rock Canyon, ate a lot and drank a little (unless you count the daiquiri I had in the Eiffel tower replica!). After 3 days, I had had enough of Vegas.

I got back to my regular Mom duties and job duties for a few weeks. Did the normal back to school shopping with the kids, too many times; wouldn’t it be nice if you could just go back to school shopping once, but I guess that’s not possible when you have a teenage daughter! Luckily, the teenage daughter now has a job so I set a spending limit and she was responsible for anything over that. Took a day or two off to do some end of summer fun things with the kids, riding go karts and going to an amusement park.
I had to come back and edit this in because I just realized I never blogged about it. The end of August I came out to my 15 year old daughter! It turns out that she knew for a while; we had a good conversation about it and a couple since then. If anything, I think she is closer to me now than ever. It is such a wonderful thing to not hold this secret from her anymore!
Then it was back to school time.

But my summer of moving around wasn’t quite over yet. I had an “exciting” pharmaceutical meeting to attend in Boston the second week of September. LOL, it was actually fun except for the meetings! I had a good time going out to eat with the two coworkers I went with; they were pretty fun even if they were men, lol. We even went to a Red Sox game; my first time at Fenway Park.

The last few days of my summer were spent in the Outer Banks attending my nephews wedding. He was married on the sand dunes of Corolla. It was a beautiful ceremony and I am so glad I made the trip. The kids and I stayed a few days after and went to the beach, biked, played tennis (or tried), played racquetball (again tried) and did a lot of relaxing and too much eating.

So now I am home again. It was a very active summer. The fall season is here. My life will be a little tamer for awhile…or at least I hope so..I’m a little tired.

But…you know….a chance to spend some time with Rebecca would get me right back on a plane again. But in the meantime, hopefully I will have more time to blog.

It sure is quiet over here........Where the hell is she?

Hey folks, I need to apologize for not writing, or even not writing to tell you why I am not writing!  There are a few reasons, but the number one reason has been pretty simple, I don't have any story ideas........lol.  Gone, blank, zero, zilch and nada!  I know there is tons to write about, but it isn't flowing right now.  I had this problem before and know that once the dam breaks I won't be able to stop, and will write drafts to post later so I don't do 10 in one day, LOL.

Another reason has been other things popping up, like school starting again, but I have the same blockages there as I do here this semester and that is really not good.

Also the boys dad was in a head on collision three weeks ago, it was very much touch and go for about a week until he had another one of his miraculous recoveries.  He is home (in California) now, and doing well.  He broke his sternum and several vertebrae so will be wearing a shell for many months.  The accident inflamed his chronic pulmonary edema, and that was what made it touch and go.  It subsided finally and they put a pacemaker in on Monday.  He is feeling good and has a positive outlook. The boys are delighted he is doing so well and we will be driving to California tomorrow so they can visit with him. 

Well, before I disappear again, I want to let you all know about a blog that was brought to my attention via Twitter.  It is called:  D.M. SOLIS, AUTHOR'S FORMAL BLOG.  D.M is a freelance columnist, poet and fiction writer, she blogs about creativity, social justice and relationships.  She writes poetry and lyrics as well.  I have really been enjoying reading all of her posts.  Especially the post entitled "How Do We Find Our Life's Passions?"  While I wait for my creative dam to burst, or Lorrie to post something, I know you will enjoy reading hers!