Let's catch up.......

OK, I am sorry, I suck at keeping up on the blog OK?  Actually, you know what it is? I realized finally that I don't like blogging about Lorrie and I anymore.  It feels too much like kissing and telling or something like that, LOL.  Oh we kiss still, lots and lots, and we don't wait months to see each other, although sometimes we do have to wait a few days here and there, and I can tell you all that the two of us are more in love since I moved here than either one of us thought was possible and we used to think the possibilities were enormous. I will tell you it is so damn much fun doing anything and everything together, and it is equally fun when we do absolutely nothing together too.   And I suspect when Lorrie is chasing me around the yard with her cane at 85 it will still be fun!!!!  I suspect maybe I should get over blogging about Lorrie and I.  She'll let me know if she doesn't like something, and I can apologize then...... or she can just delete it if she doesn't like it, LOL.  We just wanted to help other women like us when we started it, we can't help if we don't share the things that we have gone through.  You just won't get so many kissing blogs maybe?

Lorrie took me to New York this last weekend for Valentines Day.  We went to see Melissa Ferrick in concert at the City Winery, she was wonderful, so was Melissa Ferrick, lol.  It was the first time we stayed in a hotel since I moved here.  It was fun, not at all stressful nor bittersweet like it was for so many years......

Lorrie held my hand as we walked all over the city....... I think that was my favorite part.  I haven't told her that, but it was.  Once upon a time it worried her to hold my hand in public, people might see, people might think things, people might care.  In our travels around the city I don't think it occurred to her someone might care, I don't think she cared anymore if they did care...... We have come so far together, I can't wait to keep going further together. Always holding hands as we help each other along this path called living a life.

I am going to try to stay true to reaching out to women who came out or are coming out later in life, letting them know it's an odd little road full of twists and turns and even falls but that it's worth it, its so worth it. Even if you never find your soul mate or true love, there is something amazing and wonderful about just living an authentic life that brings its own joy. And of course, I am going to offer up my own insights into life, love and the political arena here and there, because I just can't keep my mouth shut sometimes.  And I keep on thinking of stuff, like what I really have been wanting to talk about, even if it isn't what you really wanted to read.

Can I ask you all a question for a possible future post?  Can a belief bear fruit at all?  Either good or bad? Are beliefs a fruit of the Spirit? And if one was to look at some of our own beliefs and realized they bore fetid fruit, can we discard them and replace them with beliefs that bear good fruit?   I have the opinion that beliefs do bear fruit, both good and bad.  I have the opinion that this country (and ourselves) need to take a good hard look at some of it's beliefs that are bearing a lot of fetid, rancid, sickly fruit.  Not all of them are about the gay community, but I will certainly focus on those more than the others.

Happy Thanksgiving, Thank God for being gay!!!

Thank God I am gay!!!!  If I were not, I would not have met and fallen in love with Lorrie.  It's a big reason to be thankful, but it sure isn't the only one. I simply am thankful, because now that I have accepted it, I am finally whole. I finally am able to love, not just Lorrie, but my boys, and my friends. I am also thankful to belong to a truly gifted set of people.  We make up a full third of all writers, more than 25% of all musicians and artists.  We are entrepreneurs, adventurers and ground breakers, news makers and news reporters.  I am thankful that there are other gays who are out there making the world more interesting and exciting if not just plain better for all.

Now while I myself am not much of a business person, nor would I be called artistic, I sure love to write.  Would I still, if I were not gay? I don't know.  How can I know?  I can't, none of us can.  Because I can't separate out any part of me without losing the whole of me.  I can't stop being gay.  If I couldn't when I was in denial, how can I do it now?  If when I was in denial, I was still gay, though I didn't act upon it, then how can I stop now?  I was created gay.  No human caused me to be gay, no human forced it upon me, nothing that happened to me in my life made me gay.  More happened in my life to have guaranteed that I was straight, but I didn't.  All of society told me growing up there was only one way to be, and that was straight, get married to a nice boy, have children, all else was wrong.  But what was wrong, was that believing misconceptions made me deny it in myself.  Had I never been lead out of those misconceptions by "that still small voice" and I was still denying my gayness, I would still be gay.  My wishing it away, my praying and fasting it away, my hoping it away did not change it.  What changed instead was my whole belief system, in a flash, in an epiphany, so to speak.  No, I don't forget that the still small voice had been speaking for 30 years, lol, see, I am thick headed sometimes.......but still, that moment, when finally I quit believing what "man" said was true about me, the moment I began to believe what God was telling me about myself, was the moment I began to live as a human, and not a shadow, not a liar, not a secret, not in a closet, but as a human, out in the open, among other humans. The truth set me free. And for that, I am eternally thankful. 

Um, Rebecca, are you outta your mind?  Let's see, the FBI just announced that gays are the most victimized of all minority persons.  There are  organizations who's sole purpose is to see that our love is re-criminalized.  They nearly succeeded in Uganda after holding a summit there, thank God that proposal was finally withdrawn after international backlash  threatened their ties to the rest of the world.  The military says that we can only serve if we are really, really good at covering up our personal lives and lying about it when asked, and if we ask our friends and lovers to lie for us.  The Feds say they won't recognize our marriages, even if the state we live in does. We are called all sorts of unsavory names, accused of many crimes against nature and children and politicians worry that if they vote for our civil rights they will lose elections, and and and and......I am thankful that there are those who don't believe the lies, I am thankful that there are those who are openly gay and are mayors, state legislators and US Congressmen.  I am thankful they didn't believe the lies and had the courage to run for office, even the one's who didn't win.  


You know what? Some of the best people I know of are out there fighting, day and night for our government to finally acknowledge that we are indeed included as "All men" when the Declaration of Independence says: "We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness."  I am thankful for the portion of the Fourteenth Amendment to the U.S. Constitution that prohibits discrimination by state government institutions. The clause grants all people "equal protection of the laws," which means that the states must apply the law equally and cannot give preference to one person or class of persons over another.  I am thankful that it is there, because soon, the courts are going to have to realize that it already applies to us.

I am thankful because we already have the rights, we are already equal.  In the same way I was still gay, even when I denied it to myself and others around me, in the same way that Blacks were equal, even before the courts and then the people said they were, in that same way, we have the rights and we are equal, and someday, the courts, and then the people will realize it, because of the tireless work of our advocates, our straight allies, those online and offline, and the work we do in ourselves.  For them, for us, I am most thankful this Thanksgiving.

Thank you Jude, Jay, Autumn, Lt. Dan Choi, thank you Equality PA, The New Civil Rights Movement and David Badash, thank you Pam. Thank you Wendy, and all the others out there who I am just not thinking of right now, who make our voices heard, when we ourselves cannot always speak.  Happy Thanksgiving.

The Philadelphia Story........

I think we should let you know, I live in Pennsylvania.  Just outside of Philly.

How easy and simple that sounds now.  How wonderful and exciting it is to finally be here, to have a place, at last, at long last, to call my home.  We made it, Lorrie and I made it and we did it together.  It is still sinking in, but I am here with my lady love and it is more amazing than either one of us thought it would be.

I have a Pennsylvania drivers license, I am registered to vote, have a good job and am more in love with Lorrie than I thought possible, because I thought I was already as in love with her as much as was humanly possible.

I have been here 5 weeks now. (She's on a business trip right now, so I have a little time to write, lolololol........ Lorrie said I should let you know that we have been having too much sex to write anything before now ;-)

This last year has sure seen a lot of changes for both of us, Lorrie finally decided to get a divorce this winter, and no, not because I was moving here, lol.  She just had enough, it was that simple, enough of it all.  At first, when she told me, I was sorry that they couldn't stick it out and just co parent.  But well, now, I am really glad, lol.  And that is all I will say about that :)

Just so I come back and write again, I am going to leave off there for now, I gotta tell you about Leaving Reno, lol.  It was an adventure if nothing else!  I hope you are all doing well, I miss the blogosphere, but I think last year it was better that we didn't write so much, it was a bit stressful for both of us, but now, no stress, only joy!

Happy Valentine's Day

Happy Valentine's Day my darling, my love.  Every day for the last three and a half years, our love has only grown.  You have filled my days and nights with immeasurable joy and a love so deep that I am often at a loss for words to describe it and can only hope I can show it in every thing I do and in the way I look at you.   The thought of you leaves me breathless, the sight of you leaves me weak and your touch sends my soul soaring to heights I only imagined before.  I know this will be our last Valentine's Day apart my love, and I look forward to being your Valentine every day, for the rest of our lives.
I love you Lorrie, beyond beyondly. Yes, I just love you.

Merry Christmas!

From Lorrie and I, to all of you, Merry Christmas and the most wonderful of  New Years! 
I hope you each get everything you want and need this year.  I know I will on the first, when Darling Lorrie is here for 5 days. 
Take care of yourselves and the ones you love because that is the best we can ever do. 
Again, we wish an amazing and Merry Christmas to all!!!

Simply Live........

''Laugh when you can, apologize when you should, and let go of what you can't change. Kiss slowly, play hard, forgive quickly, and take chances, give everything and have no regrets. Life's too short to be anything…but happy.''

Messy Closets....

Being in the closet is messy. It's hard to keep track of things and to know where you have placed things.  Important things too, like love, feelings, friendship and honesty.  Again, it is just what Barney Frank said "the effort required to live a clandestine emotional/sexual life involves an all-consuming strangulation of one’s fundamental identity....It leads to cracked judgments—particularly those involving people—since one’s ability to see others clearly is spavined by emotional chaos in order to successfully live the lie."

I personally know 5 married women in real life who are lesbians and are still in the closet in varying degrees. Still married to their husbands, usually because kids are involved.  One is childless but prefers her social standing within the straight world.  Each is holding out as long as they can, but even with those whose husbands know it is still messy.  I am in love with just such a woman.  Some husbands know and accept it because of the children, some know and don't accept it and are making their wives and themselves miserable until she finally decides to leave.   The children in the end aren't happy either.  The parents are not giving a very good example of love to them.  The tensions are still felt by the kids no matter how hard you try not to let them.

She will leave eventually, oh yes, she will.  Just how much damage is done by that leaving is up to the husband and even the wife.  Maybe you can think of it this way: The Soviet Union manged to keep their unarmed populace under control by fear and intimidation for 60 years.  Then the people simply said "we've had enough".  The Soviet Union had guns and laws and nuclear weapons.  The people did not.  The unarmed people who decided they had enough brought the Soviet Union down.  The nuclear arsenal of the United States did not. Fear gets tiresome after a while, you can get so tired of being afraid that even nuclear weapons wont keep you where you don't want to be. Again, there are some husbands who do not know, nor should they ever.  They are abusive enough already.  And then there are some women who know they are lesbians but haven't acted on it and are waiting until the children are grown, or until they meet the right woman.  Some women have lovers and get together with their girlfriends when they can but don't plan on leaving their husbands, ever.

I know probably 30 more through this blog who have emailed me or left comments, they are all lesbians but each is in a different stage in dealing with it.  Some are out, some are out and divorced, some still married and some are still married but haven't acted on their feelings.  I know of one who has simply fallen in love with a woman.  But does not identify as lesbian.  Love comes in many forms.  But it is no less love than what I feel for Lorrie, no less valid. 

There are hundreds of blogs by women like us that I have visited at one time or another.  The numbers are probably in the thousands though.  I know of a few more who have joined the Late in Life Lesbians network.  I have met 3 more on Twitter, on twitter I have also met a woman whose mother came out when she was still a child.   I personally know two men who are gay, who are married to women and are still in the closet.  I know of one more with an interesting arrangement, the straight wife gets one million dollars if she stays with him until their child is grown so he can remain in his closet.  All closets are emotionally expensive to be in.  That one just happens to also be financially expensive, hopefully he keeps his bargain with her.  Right now she is sticking to it, but the emotional cost, again, this is my opinion only, is hardly worth it.  Most men don't want to date married women contrary to popular belief.  Most men who will date married women are either married themselves or are just looking for a no strings attached arrangement.  I have often thought how lonely that life is for the straight partner.  How lonely it can be for the gay spouse as well. 

From what I have read at the Straight Spouses Network, more women that are married to gay men know their husbands are gay than men know their wives are gay.  It is my opinion though, that the only reason it is true is because we women can hide our emotions better and fake it much more easily than men.  It is easy for us to have sex when we are not aroused, it is much, much harder for a man.  I know a lot of us also worry that our husbands reactions will be very negative and possibly hurtful when they find out.  Their desire to hurt as much as they have been hurt can often overrule their feelings to protect the children from harm by speaking out against their wives.  One of the first things that the Straight Spouses Network tries to get across to the straight spouse is that speaking negatively about your gay spouse to your children, only hurts the children, and it will hurt their relationship with the child when they discover for themselves that all those those things they said about you are lies. 

In the United States it is estimated that there are an equal number of gay men and women closeted as out.  That is a number in the millions.  Millions, not thousands.  The percent of the population that is out, open and free, is approximately 4%.  Approximately 12,000,000 people are out, approximately 12,000,000 are living "under cover" or "in the closet."  The term for a woman married to a gay man is a beard.  I don't know what the term for a man married to a lesbian is, chastity belt? mask? beardette?  Does anyone know?  A gay and lesbian married to each other to provide cover for both is called a lavender marriage.   You know if there is a term for it, then it is much more common than anyone wants to admit.

I can't really speak for the gay men in these situations, nor can I truly speak for the other women. I can only speak from my own experience and heart.  I knew I was attracted to women from about age 6 or 7.  I grew up in the 60's.  I was indoctrinated to believe that a girl grew up, married a man and had children.  You lived happily ever after and your husband was your prince charming and your children were wonderful and that life fulfilled every desire.  Sex with your husband was to be amazing, or something you bared, depending on who was telling you about it.  But either way, we were led to believe it was a man whom you would fall in love with.  At least today with this subject openly talked about there will hopefully be fewer people living in messy closets in the near future.

Meredith Baxter Birney just came out, she pretty much said the same thing a lot of us have said.  We don't always know because we didn't know that there could be another way.  I knew, I knew there was another way, I was always an inquiring kid, I saw movies, I read books.  I just didn't have the guts to live my life authentically.  I misunderstood what God was trying to show me because my religion was all about the laws of an ancient theocracy and nothing about simply worshiping an amazing, creative, multi-faceted God.

I am reminded of when my mother-in-law was dying.  She had been raised staunch Southern Baptist.  After two years of painful cancer, on her death bed, she wrote a letter to her children.  In it, she said something about that she had learned that God was not at all like we had been taught.  To love God with all your heart is all that is necessary, and to love God means to love others, to treat others, as you wish to be treated, no matter how they treat you, this is all that is required.  I wrote a multi-part piece about the process of my reconciling my religion with my gayness, but I really just needed to write this one thing: you have to come to reject religion as man defines what is true in order to understand your own self, I think this is true of all humans, not just the gay ones, the non gay ones just have an easier time of living with the man made rules.  You have to listen to God for yourself.  He shows us everyday the truth, we just need to pay attention.

Messy closets.  That is all living in one brings.  No room to breath, no room to grow.  Staying in it you and those around you just end up stunted. The husband paying his wife one million dollars so he can remain in the closet is really fooling himself.  He isn't able to enjoy his life anymore that the wife who has agreed to stay with him.   Fear keeps him in, fear keeps us all in.  Fear of society's expectations, fear of what others will think, fear of being attacked for who you are, fear of our own feelings, fear of hurting the kids, fear. Fear.  Fear.  People, it is time to get sick and tired of fear. 

What is it going to take to empty all the closets?  People who know they know someone who is gay are about 80% in favor of our receiving full and equal treatment under the law.  (We already are guaranteed those rights by the Constitution, we just aren't treated equally by those in power who are supposed to carry out those laws.) Everyone on earth knows someone who is gay, problem is, most of the people don't know they know because there are so many in the closet.  It is just this simple.  Until the closets are emptied and cleaned out, we are and always will be emotional cripples, liars and damaged as humans.  We will continue to hurt those closest to us and we will never know all that life really has to offer.

Update: just ran across this article with insight from straight spouses and why they support our rights, from the Washington Post: http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2009/11/06/AR2009110602953.html

Brokeback Marriage

Way to go Baby! You blogged!!!

I'm not going to be as good as you and actually write a blog but just attach a link to this article that I'm sure most of us can relate to from the Dec. issue of the Philadelphia magazine:

http://www.phillymag.com/articles/sex_brokeback_marriage/page1



Oh...and 31 Days from now I will be in Reno with My Baby!

OK, I think I just have to dive in and just write what I have thought about in the past few months!!!

Hello again my friends!!! You know I have been having a hell of a time with writers block, and frankly I am tired of talking and thinking about it right now, so I guess I just need to just write my thoughts and we can all sort out any confusion in the comments section!  I have missed you all terribly and have a few times tried to put something up, but every time my mind drew a blank and I would just turn off the computer and say I'll do it tomorrow.  I think enough tomorrows have gone by don't you?

I think I want to start by saying I read a biography a couple of months ago called Barney Frank: The Story of America’s Only Left-Handed, Gay, Jewish Congressman by Stuart Weisberg. Weisberg writes that Frank “found Abraham Lincoln’s aphorism to be as relevant to an individual as to a country. ‘I could not live half slave and half free, privately free to be a gay man but publicly a slave to the prejudice that would not allow me to acknowledge it,’"

Now probably the most mind blowing thing that I read in this book was the following statement, because until we came out of the closet, (even if we aren't a public figure) we knew this is true, even if we didn't have the words to express it and it is why it is so very damn important that every closet be at long last emptied: Being in the closet is a culturally induced mental disease. For a public figure, the effort required to live a clandestine emotional/sexual life involves an all-consuming strangulation of one’s fundamental identity. It is psychologically, emotionally and mentally exhausting, all the more so if one is in a prominent political office, in which image is all-determinant. It leads to cracked judgments—particularly those involving people—since one’s ability to see others clearly is spavined by emotional chaos in order to successfully live the lie.

There is no way to be a complete, whole or especially not an authentic human being until we stop living the lie.  No ifs, no buts about it.

With that in mind, I read this month's Advocate magazine, and the letter from the editor was about how he is a man, who just happens to be gay. It struck a chord with me, because really when I have to think of my identity for what ever reason, lesbian is not the first thing that comes to my mind. Honestly, Mom is. Then Lorrie's lover and then the rest of all the things that make up the sum of my parts.  That wasn't true when I first came out, LESBIAN was who I WAS.  And it felt like it was ALL I was.  I think that coming to the realization that I am who I always have been but I just happen to be a lesbian was something that came with my finally knowing I am whole and complete as a woman.

At the same time me being a lesbian does influence the whole of me in a large way. It just isn't all I am. It isn't all any of us are. I am finally comfortable with who I am, finally comfortable in the knowledge that I am also a lesbian. Comfortable in my own skin, warts, bumps and all.  Well, OK, some of those warts gotta go though.  And the bumps need to get smaller, or at least firmer!!

Let's see, probably the most pressing news you all want is to know is that I will be moving to the Philadelphia area next summer, come hell or high water.  Lorrie and I have absolutely had it with the long distance crap!!!
I will graduate next Spring!  I CAN'T WAIT!!!!  It has been over three years now, three years of longing and patience and frustration and emails and phone calls and of course the best of all times every three months when we can get together but enough is enough already! :D

So, I already told you I quit my job, OK, you know that.  I don't have a part time job as planned but my former husband is living with us again because of the accident he was in a couple of months ago, so he is helping with the expenses and I help take care of him. It hasn't been all that bad at all, he and the boys are spending a lot of time talking together and watching movies and he and I get along, we have of course, since he realized that I had to be who I am and that it wasn't his fault, lol.  His sobering up last winter has been the biggest part of letting things get right in the end. 

And now for your Christmas and everyday shopping pleasure: my last post was about Jay's "Everyone's a freak to someone"....well, I haven't been totally MIA, because I helped him set up a Cafe Press store to sell some items with his catch phrase on them :) Here is the link to it, and let us know if there is something you think we should add to the line up, I mean if you are going to buy it and all!  He he he he.   http://www.cafepress.com/everyonesafreak  Come on over and get your freak on!!!

OK, that wasn't so hard after all :) and I was going to talk about Facebook, LOL but I think that is going to have to be another post, all to itself!

Take care everyone, I do hope you had a great Thanksgiving if you live in the U.S. and a great weekend for everyone in the whole world!

Everyone's a freak to someone, National Coming Out Day, and other thoughts.

Today is National Coming Out Day!  It is also, I just realized, the One Year Anniversary of this blog!  I cannot believe it has been a whole year.

The past two months have been very topsy turvey around here.  Things are beginning to settle down and you all should be able to receive much more frequent updates to this blog.  It is after all dedicated to those of us who come out later on in life, many of us having lived in the closet for years, many have married and also have children.  We know that our experiences are different from perhaps someone who came out at a younger age, or never married.  I sure hope to get this back on track as a forum to help each other get through it as best we can. 

I know you may be looking at that interesting graphic there about freaks, and maybe even thinking "Rebecca, I am sooooo not a freak!!"  LMAO.  That's funny, my first thought was HELL YES!!!  We all have SOMETHING about us that would seem absolutely freaky to at least one other person on this earth.  Even if it is as simple as eating fried bologna (love it, personally).  Now I know I have some other freaky habits (so not sharing those), Lorrie might even know of a couple that I don't even realize she thinks are freaky.  Anyway, Jay, over at the ever fabulous, always entertaining and sometimes too thought provoking Jaysays.com, had a post up that if you wrote your freaky thing to him, he would send you a bumpersticker of the graphic above.  I have one, he actually generously sent two, one of which was claimed by one of Kevin's buddies.  He spoke first, he got it, I wasn't giving up mine, NO WAY!  From the reaction I got from Kevin's friends, I think he is really on to something there.  It sure makes you think while you are laughing to yourself!

OK, so back to National Coming Out Day.....it was also the National Equality March in Washington D.C.  From the time I saw a post about this through "Join the Impact" I really wanted to go.  I couldn't, I knew I had school, my job wouldn't let me have the days off, I didn't know until last week that I was quitting my job though........LOL.  Yeah, in this economy.  A lot of stress lately has been coming from my job, my new supervisor decided that school was not important to me and decided that I should now work 10-12 hours a day and every Saturday.  I don't think she realized I am on a time table to finish in May, July at the latest........I have a country to move across damn it!!!  Sorry, but the job lost.  I can make it finding a part time job, and that shouldn't be too hard as Christmas season is closing in on us.

OOPS!   I got off track, (hate when I ramble) I was talking about the National Equality March in Washington D.C.  There are some great stories on it, and was much more successful than most media and politicians thought it would be, and even more successful than even the organizers may have imagined.  Here are some links to several news stories and the Google of the events:

Leah McElrath Renna from the Huffington Post

Towleroad

LGBT Q News

National Equality March Web Site Slideshow

Goombah's Rainbow

Google Search

Take care all and keep coming out of those prisons AKA "The Closet"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Fall is Here

Wow, it’s been a long time! I feel like I have been on the roller coaster called life and sitting in the front seat for the last two months. Actually for one fun filled night with my daughter this is exactly what we did; went to a local amusement park and rode all the rollercoasters in the front seat. It took me so long to comb my hair the next day that I contemplated just cutting it, lol (Don’t worry Baby I won’t!).

I started my ride with my trip out to Reno to see my love! (We have blogged about this before so you can read about it in the archives if you want.) I was home for about a week and a half; and the time immediately after coming home from a visit with Rebecca is always so hard, missing her so much; so maybe it was good that I hopped back on a plane and flew to Vegas with one of my good friends for a 4 day visit to Sin City. As visits to Vegas go, I’m sure this one would be considered saintly, lol…we walked, shopped, went to shows, toured the Red Rock Canyon, ate a lot and drank a little (unless you count the daiquiri I had in the Eiffel tower replica!). After 3 days, I had had enough of Vegas.

I got back to my regular Mom duties and job duties for a few weeks. Did the normal back to school shopping with the kids, too many times; wouldn’t it be nice if you could just go back to school shopping once, but I guess that’s not possible when you have a teenage daughter! Luckily, the teenage daughter now has a job so I set a spending limit and she was responsible for anything over that. Took a day or two off to do some end of summer fun things with the kids, riding go karts and going to an amusement park.
I had to come back and edit this in because I just realized I never blogged about it. The end of August I came out to my 15 year old daughter! It turns out that she knew for a while; we had a good conversation about it and a couple since then. If anything, I think she is closer to me now than ever. It is such a wonderful thing to not hold this secret from her anymore!
Then it was back to school time.

But my summer of moving around wasn’t quite over yet. I had an “exciting” pharmaceutical meeting to attend in Boston the second week of September. LOL, it was actually fun except for the meetings! I had a good time going out to eat with the two coworkers I went with; they were pretty fun even if they were men, lol. We even went to a Red Sox game; my first time at Fenway Park.

The last few days of my summer were spent in the Outer Banks attending my nephews wedding. He was married on the sand dunes of Corolla. It was a beautiful ceremony and I am so glad I made the trip. The kids and I stayed a few days after and went to the beach, biked, played tennis (or tried), played racquetball (again tried) and did a lot of relaxing and too much eating.

So now I am home again. It was a very active summer. The fall season is here. My life will be a little tamer for awhile…or at least I hope so..I’m a little tired.

But…you know….a chance to spend some time with Rebecca would get me right back on a plane again. But in the meantime, hopefully I will have more time to blog.

It sure is quiet over here........Where the hell is she?

Hey folks, I need to apologize for not writing, or even not writing to tell you why I am not writing!  There are a few reasons, but the number one reason has been pretty simple, I don't have any story ideas........lol.  Gone, blank, zero, zilch and nada!  I know there is tons to write about, but it isn't flowing right now.  I had this problem before and know that once the dam breaks I won't be able to stop, and will write drafts to post later so I don't do 10 in one day, LOL.

Another reason has been other things popping up, like school starting again, but I have the same blockages there as I do here this semester and that is really not good.

Also the boys dad was in a head on collision three weeks ago, it was very much touch and go for about a week until he had another one of his miraculous recoveries.  He is home (in California) now, and doing well.  He broke his sternum and several vertebrae so will be wearing a shell for many months.  The accident inflamed his chronic pulmonary edema, and that was what made it touch and go.  It subsided finally and they put a pacemaker in on Monday.  He is feeling good and has a positive outlook. The boys are delighted he is doing so well and we will be driving to California tomorrow so they can visit with him. 

Well, before I disappear again, I want to let you all know about a blog that was brought to my attention via Twitter.  It is called:  D.M. SOLIS, AUTHOR'S FORMAL BLOG.  D.M is a freelance columnist, poet and fiction writer, she blogs about creativity, social justice and relationships.  She writes poetry and lyrics as well.  I have really been enjoying reading all of her posts.  Especially the post entitled "How Do We Find Our Life's Passions?"  While I wait for my creative dam to burst, or Lorrie to post something, I know you will enjoy reading hers!

Changing Focus

"All my life I had been looking for something, and everywhere I turned, someone tried to tell me what it was. I accepted their answers too, though they were often in contradiction and even self-contradictory. I was naïve. I was looking for myself and asking everyone except myself questions which I, and only I, could answer. It took me a long time and much painful boomeranging of my expectations to achieve a realization everyone else appears to have been born with: that I am nobody but myself." ~ Ralph Ellison

Like Mr. Ellison, I too was late coming to this realization. But thank God I did!!!
It seems as if most of what I hear and stumble upon reading these days is something along these lines or it points to the profound impact our experiences of just who we are, can have on others around us.  Yes, no matter what others say, no matter what others believe about us, it is our own lives that speak the loudest truth.  Our living authentically is our best defense.


I want to spend some more time speaking these truths.  I am not talking about the film clips of the families together or years long relationships.  Though those have their place.  I am talking about our own knowledge that we are gay.  Not confused, not questioning, but simply gay.  No book, no opinion, no faked out, trumped up studies can change the truth of our own lives and inner knowledge of this. 

Also, I have decided not to continue with the original track of Blogging for Truth because what the Anti Gay Industry says about us is not valid, but what we have to say about who we are is.  And it is more powerful than their biggest lies.


All religions tell us to think on those things that are good and pure and wise.  Hundreds of self help gurus promise riches and happiness if you just imagine the things you want.  While some of them go a bit far with the imagining, there is, I believe a universal truth at work in all of these beliefs.  If we focus our attention on attaining that we expect, then we act in ways that will achieve the things we expect. While bad things happen to everyone in life, studies do show optimists tend to have good things happen to them more often than not, and pessimists more frequently have negative things happen.  We tend to get what we expect, not always what we want.

With that, and because things are still rolling around in the ole brain, I will leave you with one last quote to arm yourself with when the nay sayers are harping at or even in your head:



"Rabbi Zusya said that on the Day of Judgment, God would ask him, not why he had not been Moses, but why he had not been Zusya." ~Walter Kaufmann 

A Sharing Moment!

This morning I received these lovely flowers from My Love just because!!!  What a wonderful way to start my day!

Sorry girls, she is ALL MINE, lol........

An artist Scott Terry, and his Prop 8 Sculpture

"Art is not made to decorate apartments. It's an offensive and defensive weapon against the enemy." - Pablo Picasso

Quite a few weeks ago, I was introduced to a freelance writer and artist on Twitter, named Scott Terry. He paints watercolors of American pastoral scenes. I am not an art critic, but I find his work beautiful and inspired. I grew up in the farm country of California and his works invoke the peace and beauty that is often overlooked in the rural areas of that state. Scott is an artist first and formost, not an activist, but he was offended by the words of hate used by those supporting Prop H8 in that state. After it passed he was inspired to create a sculpture that he ultimately called "Words of the Stiffnecked People" from Exodus 32:9 (And the LORD said unto Moses, I have seen this people, and, behold, it is a stiffnecked people)
Scott describes his piece on his website:

This piece is comprised of 250 wooden blocks, some wrapped with Yes on 8 propaganda and others wrapped in biblical text. They are arranged in a chronological and topographical order, beginning with a miniature Bible in the center and yellow blocks rising out of the chaos and winding their way through a sea of scripture.

I took the words of the fundamentalists and re-printed them on Yes on 8 yard signs and bumper stickers. I gathered the quotes, statistics, history, and headlines and re-arranged them on yellow and blue Protect Marriage material...and then wrapped the remaining blocks with selected pages torn from the Bible and Book of Mormon.

The sculpture is receiving quite a bit of attention since it was first exhibited at the Sacramento Gay Pride event on June 20th, courtesy of the YesOnGayMarriage organization.

It is headed to the California State Employee's convention in Los Angeles over Labor Day, courtesy of the SEIU Human and Civil Rights committee. It's worth heading over to Scott's site and checking out the pictures of the sculpture and the poster made to go along with it if you can't make the event in LA:

On Facebook......LOL

So, I signed up for Facebook a while back, you know, just to promote the blogs, but I have gotten some big surprises out of it. I am reconnecting with a number of old friends. Jr. High and High School friends actually. One of the friends you can meet on Late in Life Lesbians, that's Robbie, we went to High School together and always had a lot in common, just how much in common, I never knew, LMAO! Others I have not seen in 20 + years and it is fun getting to know them again.
I am going to pimp one of them, because she has a business now. Tammy and I go way back to Jr. High School and was my very bestest friend until I moved away the year before graduation. Turns out she makes wire jewelry and is pretty good at it too, and her prices are way too low! Check it out at Spirals and Spice
OK, I am not going to make a habit of pimping other people's businesses, so don't ask......
Anyway, I am gearing up to start classes again in a week! I have five this time, each semester before I have limited myself to four because I work full time too......we shall see how it works, but I am impatient to get moving on with a whole new career and life! I think Lorrie is impatient too......LOL

Seeing Clearly Now......

I guess I should start off by saying that Lorrie and I are NOT breaking up! We have definitely resolved some of the issues that had come up between us with me moving there and what each of us expects when that happens. I know that we won't make the same mistake again of not talking about the things that worry us. Obviously Don't Ask, Don't Tell does not work at all in any situation....that policy is over now in our relationship forever!

For now anyway, Lor said she wanted a break from the blog, but she should still be lurking around the Late In Life Lesbians Network, LOL.

I love this song, and Lorrie mentioned this morning that it was going through her head, lol, thought I would share it with all of you because you have all been so patient of late:

Can All The Anti-Gay Industry Just Go Away Now?

In other words........stop misleading people, stop lying to them, stop the hate AND STOP KICKING YOUR KIDS OUT OF THE HOUSE and/or shipping them to these houses of horror and let them become truly who they were created to be as human beings!

August 5, 2009 -

APA PRESS RELEASE

August 5, 2009
Contact: Kim Mills
(202) 336-6048 until Aug. 5
(416) 585-3800 – Aug. 5-9

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INSUFFICIENT EVIDENCE THAT SEXUAL ORIENTATION CHANGE EFFORTS WORK, SAYS APA

Practitioners Should Avoid Telling Clients They Can Change from Gay to Straight

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TORONTO—The American Psychological Association adopted a resolution Wednesday stating that mental health professionals should avoid telling clients that they can change their sexual orientation through therapy or other treatments.

The "Resolution on Appropriate Affirmative Responses to Sexual Orientation Distress and Change Efforts" also advises that parents, guardians, young people and their families avoid sexual orientation treatments that portray homosexuality as a mental illness or developmental disorder and instead seek psychotherapy, social support and educational services "that provide accurate information on sexual orientation and sexuality, increase family and school support and reduce rejection of sexual minority youth."

The approval, by APA's governing Council of Representatives, came at APA's annual convention, during which a task force presented a report that in part examined the efficacy of so-called "reparative therapy," or sexual orientation change efforts (SOCE).

"Contrary to claims of sexual orientation change advocates and practitioners, there is insufficient evidence to support the use of psychological interventions to change sexual orientation," said Judith M. Glassgold, PsyD, chair of the task force. "Scientifically rigorous older studies in this area found that sexual orientation was unlikely to change due to efforts designed for this purpose. Contrary to the claims of SOCE practitioners and advocates, recent research studies do not provide evidence of sexual orientation change as the research methods are inadequate to determine the effectiveness of these interventions." Glassgold added: "At most, certain studies suggested that some individuals learned how to ignore or not act on their homosexual attractions. Yet, these studies did not indicate for whom this was possible, how long it lasted or its long-term mental health effects. Also, this result was much less likely to be true for people who started out only attracted to people of the same sex."

Based on this review, the task force recommended that mental health professionals avoid misrepresenting the efficacy of sexual orientation change efforts when providing assistance to people distressed about their own or others' sexual orientation.

APA appointed the six-member Task Force on Appropriate Therapeutic Responses to Sexual Orientation in 2007 to review and update APA's 1997 resolution, "Appropriate Therapeutic Responses to Sexual Orientation," and to generate a report. APA was concerned about ongoing efforts to promote the notion that sexual orientation can be changed through psychotherapy or approaches that mischaracterize homosexuality as a mental disorder.

The task force examined the peer-reviewed journal articles in English from 1960 to 2007, which included 83 studies. Most of the studies were conducted before 1978, and only a few had been conducted in the last 10 years. The group also reviewed the recent literature on the psychology of sexual orientation.

"Unfortunately, much of the research in the area of sexual orientation change contains serious design flaws," Glassgold said. "Few studies could be considered methodologically sound and none systematically evaluated potential harms."

As to the issue of possible harm, the task force was unable to reach any conclusion regarding the efficacy or safety of any of the recent studies of SOCE: "There are no methodologically sound studies of recent SOCE that would enable the task force to make a definitive statement about whether or not recent SOCE is safe or harmful and for whom," according to the report.

"Without such information, psychologists cannot predict the impact of these treatments and need to be very cautious, given that some qualitative research suggests the potential for harm," Glassgold said. "Practitioners can assist clients through therapies that do not attempt to change sexual orientation, but rather involve acceptance, support and identity exploration and development without imposing a specific identity outcome."

As part of its report, the task force identified that some clients seeking to change their sexual orientation may be in distress because of a conflict between their sexual orientation and religious beliefs. The task force recommended that licensed mental health care providers treating such clients help them "explore possible life paths that address the reality of their sexual orientation, reduce the stigma associated with homosexuality, respect the client's religious beliefs, and consider possibilities for a religiously and spiritually meaningful and rewarding life."

"In other words," Glassgold said, "we recommend that psychologists be completely honest about the likelihood of sexual orientation change, and that they help clients explore their assumptions and goals with respect to both religion and sexuality."

A copy of the task force report may be obtained from APA's Public Affairs Office or at http://www.apa.org/pi/lgbc/publications/therapeutic-response.pdf.

Members of the APA Task Force on Appropriate Therapeutic Responses to Sexual Orientation:

Judith M. Glassgold, PsyD, Rutgers University – Chair
Lee Beckstead, PhD
Jack Drescher, MD
Beverly Greene, PhD, St. John's University
Robin Lin Miller, PhD, Michigan State University
Roger L. Worthington, PhD, University of Missouri

The American Psychological Association, in Washington, D.C., is the largest scientific and professional organization representing psychology in the United States and is the world's largest association of psychologists. APA's membership includes more than 150,000 researchers, educators, clinicians, consultants and students. Through its divisions in 54 subfields of psychology and affiliations with 60 state, territorial and Canadian provincial associations, APA works to advance psychology as a science, as a profession and as a means of promoting health, education and human welfare.

Because some of you believe some of this, and we need to stop doing that if we are to be whole......

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The Trip To Reno

We really had a great time last week. On Thursday we finally got out and went to a Reno Aces ballgame which they won! This is their inaugural year and our first AAA ball team in a beautiful new stadium. We had front row, third base seats right behind Brett Butler who is the manager. The Aces started out blowing away the Portland Beavers (OMG we could not have attended a more appropriate game) but then the Beavers made a game of it for a while, it was very exciting to see. Oh and I found this video on YouTube that gives you an idea how fun it is there. Though we missed the ball head singing Take Me Out To The Ball Game because we were following the Aces Girls in front of us..........

On Saturday we attended the monthly Reno Beer Crawl but we stopped crawling once we hit The Men's Club, one of our truly finer strip clubs, Lorrie had never been to one and we both had a blast even though Lorrie wouldn't let me buy her a lap dance. She did manage some boob in the face action however so not all was lost!!! Later that night we went to the Journey/Heart Concert, it was fantastic, especially Heart! OMG Annie and Nancy sure do still have it all! The new lead singer for Journey was wonderful and energetic and sounds an awful lot like Steve Perry.

On Sunday we drove to California and toured Napa Valley where I got rather tipsy from the tastings, we stayed the night in Kelseyville, LMAO. (it was founded by some ancestor of mine) Not an exciting town and we pissed off the pizza place dude because we didn't know they closed at 9 and we got there 10 minutes before. He even had the gall to ask us when we were leaving if we knew he closed at 9, LOL. (they had no hours of operation posted by the way, we looked) If we had we would have stayed longer because he spent the whole time our pizza was cooking banging things around and harumphing like a 4 year old. After that we picked up James because he spent the week with his dad in Loch Lomond near Clear Lake.

It may have seemed this took a while to get posted. Since coming home, Lorrie and I have been working on communicating better with each other. We learned it really does take more than phone calls, emails and visits to keep a relationship whole. And not just a long distance one. It takes real communication and trust, of feelings and thoughts and goals and dreams and especially our fears. Honestly and openly with out letting the fear get in the way. We discovered neither one of us has been doing much of that with each other over the past six months. After spending most of our lives hiding those things from the rest of the world, we discovered we don't always exactly know how to be open with each other when it comes to this stuff.

I think we are beginning to learn. I know we both want to.