My Story.......My Journey

Well, I guess it’s time I tell my story since this is half my blog, lol!

I am a 45 year old woman, in love with a wonderful woman you all know as Rebecca!!!

I am also a mother to two wonderful kids. I work full time as a scientist in the R&D area. I am a sister. I am a friend. I am a spouse.

Yes, you read that right, I am still married. But you notice I did not use the word wife, I hate that word, lol. Maybe because I was not good at it; I was not a good wife, did not enjoy being a wife, was never comfortable being a wife…no longer consider myself a wife. In 2009 I will have been married 20 years and it never felt right. I have known Rebecca for 2 years and 4 months and it has felt right every moment! So why am I still married? For the kids…some of you may agree, some may not….but that is the decision my H and I have made for now. He has known about Rebecca from day one; I have never lied to him about my relationship with her. We now live together as roommates and co-parents; it works for now…it will work until it doesn’t work anymore….. I believe when the time is right, I will know when to tell my kids…no they do not know that their Mom is a lesbian. Again, some of you may agree, some may disagree..but again this is where I am right now. A 15 year old daughter has enough to deal with trying to figure out who she is; is it cruel to throw in the confusion of “by the way, your Mom is a lesbian”?

Do I wish I had gotten a divorce before I met Rebecca? Yes! But I didn’t and this is the path we find ourselves in. Rebecca is wonderful, she is understanding, she has never pressured me to leave my marriage, she understands the kids are better off with two parents for now. We live 2500 miles apart and are both busy raising our families. We will not live 2500 miles apart forever!!!! Rebecca and I will someday be able to wake up together each morning!

For all of you that didn’t figure out your attraction to women until your forties or after, I’m sure you said to yourself many times “This would have been easier if I figured this out much earlier. So many things in my life would have made more sense.” I know I have. But I really have no regrets. I have two great children!!!!

Looking back, I can pick out times when I knew I was attracted to women…in high school, in college, at a bar when I was supposed to be checking out the men, at a wedding while dancing with my husband so wishing I was dancing with that woman across the floor (and no it wasn’t just because he is a terrible dancer, lol)…but I always stuffed those feelings way back down because that was not what I was “suppose to do”. Then I hit my late 30’s and early 40’s and those feelings, those attractions toward women kept pushing back up…and there was no pushing them down…I didn’t want to…I needed to find out who I was…something huge was missing. I needed to be honest with myself!

From the moment I met Rebecca, from the moment we started talking, seeing, being with each other; I felt connected more than I ever have in my life, emotionally, physically, totally! I found what I was missing!

So…coming out later in life might not be the easiest thing to do….it is full of life changing decisions affecting many people, not just ourselves…..it is truly a journey…but we all deserve to be happy, to be the person we are suppose to be!

BUYcott Pepsi and Campbell's

Feel Free to Email, Distribute and Cross Post!

Once More the American Family Association, AKA "A Leader in The Anti-Gay/Anti-Civil Rights Movement" is attacking another business who is inclusive and welcoming of ALL employees and their families.

Instead of soup, they are now going after Pepsi Co., which includes Frito Lay, Quaker Oats, Tropicana Juices and Gatorade and calling for a boycott of their products.

These are the things Pepsi is doing as a business to anger them so much:

They recieved the 2008 New Freedom Initiative Award for enhancing participation of Americans with Disabilities in the 21st Century Workforce, and PepsiCo received a 100% rating for the fifth year in a row from the Human Rights Campaign Foundation today when it released its 2009 Corporate Equality Index. Pepsi is a huge leader in the area of transgendered rights, a segment of our community that often gets "thrown under the bus" even by our own organizations.

Pepsi is also a leader in stoping the spread of HIV/AIDS. From their website; "Our policy outlines an approach that will be applied across the diverse array of markets in which we operate – from South Africa, where we have made very important strides, including establishment of a comprehensive HIV/AIDS testing and treatment program, to the scores of other countries in which we are still in the early stages of addressing the problem."

The Spew From AFA's website

"PepsiCo has refused a request by AFA to remain neutral in the culture war. The company indicated that it will continue major financial support of homosexual organizations. AFA wrote Pepsi two times (on October 14 and October 29) requesting a meeting to discuss Pepsi's neutrality in the culture war. [basically Pepsi told AFA they weren't changing any of their policies, nor would they meet with the hate group]

On November 17, AFA received a condescending letter (dated Nov. 7) from Paul Boykas, director, public policy, in which he refused to address Pepsi's support of the homosexual agenda.

In the last two years, Pepsi has given $500,000 to the Human Rights Campaign (HRC) and $500,000 to the Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG). The $1,000,000 was to be used to help promote homosexuality in the workplace. Pepsi refuses to give money to any pro-family organization that opposes the homosexual agenda. Plus, every homosexual organization we know of is overwhelmingly pro-abortion. (notice how they threw that in? really get the masses enraged!) [AHA!!!! They aren't getting any of the big bucks so HRC and PFLAG can't have any either]

Both HRC and PFLAG supported efforts in California to defeat Proposition 8 which defined marriage as being between a man and a woman. HRC, the homosexual group financially supported by Pepsi, gave $2.3 million to defeat Prop 8. [and AFA did not support yes on H8?]

Pepsi forces (requires) all employees to attend sexual orientation and gender identity diversity training where they are taught to accept homosexuality." [Let's talk about what force really is...AFA and it's supporters force people into "Ex-Gay" therapy!!!!! HELLO??]

A Good Year...and Looking Forward!

2008 was a good year….I spent some wonderful long weekends away with Rebecca in Philadelphia, Baltimore and Rehoboth Beach and a wonderful week with her in Reno. The more time I spend with her, the more time I want to spend with her. It feels so wonderful, so right, I am so at home wherever we are!
I had a good trip with my kids to California. We visited many places in the LA area..we even managed to track down the Jonas Brothers house making my daughter very happy!
I came out to my sister-in-law and my sister. Both were very supportive. I started doing more things in the area with a lesbian group. Slowly, but surely..I am getting out there!
I had some worrisome moments with my job. After 23 years of employment, we were going through a staff reduction. I had to reapply for my job; 17 pages later and 7 weeks after reapplying I was accepted into my current position. So, yes, I can still be referred to by Rebecca as her Sexy Scientist! Job security is something that we will all have to worry about in the coming years; there is no more taking your job for granted.
It has been a good holiday season! My kids (15 and 10) had a good Christmas…at least they better think they had a good Christmas, lol. (The credit card bills show how good it was for them.) Even though I didn’t get to spend the holidays with Rebecca in person, we are always together; together in a phone call, an email, a chat, a thought, a visual, a dream; together in that feeling that goes through my whole body when I think of her, the way my heart feels and the way a smile forms on my face each time of think of being with her! Everyday during the Christmas week, I received a wonderful thought and “body provoking” email that exhibited the deep love and desire that Rebecca has for me…each and every “story” was better than the last. They were wonderful and so is she…wonderful and creative and loving and desirable!! As you can tell, I really really enjoyed them!
So now it is January. I put the Christmas decorations away today. I have to go back to work on Monday..ugh! But the kids also go back to school..back to their routine and not spending bunches of money everyday, lol. The Eagles are in the playoffs by some miracle! They play tomorrow…keeping my fingers crossed, but not holding my breath because after all..they are the Eagles!
But best of all, I have something wonderful to look forward to!! The end of January I am making a trip out to Reno to visit Rebecca!!!! I can’t wait!! I miss her and can’t wait to see her…in person!!!
So let’s all hope there are no major snowstorms in the Philadelphia or Reno area the end of January!!!

Thinking About The New Year.......And The Old

Wishing you and yours only the best of New Years.....
I am looking forward to the New Year, I am actually excited about it. I have never made a list of New Year's Resolutions if you want to know the truth...But I have a few for this year!
They are:

Quit Smoking, OMG Lorrie will love this one!

Drop the 20 lbs that just keep hanging on to me. I know how to do it, I have just been lazy.

Quit procrastinating about things like Dr.'s and Dentists appointments. I have gotten a lot better recently about procrastinating in general, but still do it in these two areas.

Pay attention especially in my HTML/XHTML class so I can make the blog interactive with a discussion forum.

Another reason to be excited is that Lorrie and I will have some time together towards February! I can't wait to have her beautiful sexy self right in front of me where I can lean over and just kiss her if I want to!

Last year was definitely mixed for me. My oldest son gave me quite a few gray hairs before he finally moved out. I love him very much, but he wanted to "rule the roost" and do only what he wanted to do, which did not include going to school or working, LOL. I think his tone has changed quite a bit lately.
Lorrie and I connected on a new higher level and fell deeper in love with each other than we thought was possible.
I have enjoyed having just alone time with my younger son, something the two of us have really never experienced before.
I came out to my entire family, including my very fundamentalist brother and his wife. My Sister-in-law sent me a Christmas card and has forwarded me a few emails, but the closest I got from hearing anything from my brother is a chain email, LOL, maybe he was fishing to see if I would open up discussion, or maybe I was just on that mailing list. I don't know how to begin the discussion if you want to know.
My dad, who spent most of my youth instilling in me that one of the most important things in life is what other people think of you and one must behave according to all social norms and dictates, was the only one in my family who always suspected I was a lesbian. ARRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!
I think I am really, really over trying to please other people because of rejection.
The one sister I had not yet come out to was shocked, but OK with me being a lesbian. She said she was glad I finally found someone who really loves me and whom I love just as much.
So, what are your New Year Resolutions?? And how was your 2008?

From Lorrie and I to all of you.